American courts have never been kind to women, kids
6/2/09 | 8 comments
guest column

American courts have never been kind to women, kids


Lori Handrahan

When President Obama took office he published a letter to his daughters, “What I Want for You and Every Child in America.” He spoke about righting wrongs and making America better; wanting his children and others to grow up in a world with no limits on their dreams, with schools worthy of their potential.

Violence-free homes were not mentioned. Dreams, schools and discoveries are worth little when a child lives in terror.

Maine's family courts, as are family courts across America, are failing to protect children and surviving spouses from abusive and violent parents and partners. President Obama must issue an executive order urging Congress and the states to launch investigations of family courts across the country, including Maine, and urge pas-sage of rebuttable presumptions, placing the burden of proof on the abuser to be a safe parent. This typically includes a batterer intervention program.

President Obama spoke about choosing our better history. American courts have never been kind to women, let alone mothers. Let's put aside for a moment the destruction and pain that family courts render every day on hundreds of thousands of parents, most often mothers, who have the courage to leave an abusive marriage.

Let's consider only the children.

Maine family courts, like family courts elsewhere, are placing children, infants, little girls and boys, into the unsupervised custody of parents, usually fathers, who until the separation were abusing, often severely, the children and the other parent, often the mother.

Family courts are calling mothers liars. Judges are calling mentally healthy women with no prior mental health issues, mentally unstable, because they dare to tell the truth of domestic abuse. Because they think they have the right to protect their children from further abuse.

Judges are telling mothers that they “have a problem with reality.” That they are “not credible.” Judges are rendering invisible entire days of testimony, firsthand witnesses, police records — judges are simply saying the mother had “no corroborating evidence” for abuse.

I know because it has happened to me. My 2-year-old little girl has been given unsupervised custody with her father, a man on a green card with a long and well-documented history of violence.

When I became a mother I wanted my daughter to go to the best schools. I wanted her to have everything she ever wanted. I wanted her to have a better life than I did. My dreams for my daughter have all been taken from me by Maine courts. I have spent my entire savings, her college fund and my retirement on legal fees — to protect her, all in vain.

All I want for my daughter now, and for every child in Maine, is for the term “no excuse for violence” to mean something in Maine family courts. What I want, all I ask, for my daughter now, and for every child in Maine, is to grow up free from violence and abuse. When abuse occurs, I want the courts to honor and protect the protective parent’s, most often the mother, courage to leave the abusive relationship — never easy itself — and to help her protect her children.

Currently, Maine and U.S. family courts are telling mothers by the hundreds of thousands, what the judge who heard my case made reality by his judgment — you and your child cannot leave your abuser.

I urge President Obama to sign an executive order urging rebuttal presumptions and full investigations of family courts across America. I urge the same of Gov. John Baldacci for Maine.

I urge Maine's Domestic Violence Coalition to establish a Court Watch, as other states have, so judges' rulings are available for all to see.

With a stroke of a pen President Obama and Gov. Baldacci can right one of America and Maine's ugliest wrongs — our family courts' failure to protect women and our children.

Lori Handrahan lives in South Portland. She is a former candidate for Maine’s 2nd Congressional District.

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Comments
8 comments on this item
On 6/2/09 at 8:04 AM, 5forfightin wrote:         Repeated separate thumbs down will cause comment to be hidden

Whine, whine, whine. As Judge Judy says, "you picked him". Studies show that women are just as likely to abuse their husbands, boyfriends and (not to leave out lesbians) girlfriends. Men are less likely to report being abused for fear of being ridiculed as weak. If a woman doesn't get custody of her children in the pro-women court system, it's because she was found to be just as willing a participant in the violent atmosphere as the man. Miss Handrahan, let's hear your husbands' point of view. My guess is there are two abusers here as well.

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On 6/2/09 at 8:55 AM, SpousalRapeVictim wrote:         Repeated separate thumbs down will cause comment to be hidden

My story was featured on the National Domestic Violence Hotline http://www.ndvh.org/2009/05/gps-tracking/

Also on cover of Chicago Tribune http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-regan_tuenov11,0,389866.story

I think you've probably heard of the cases (Connolly Boys Jack and Duncan http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/2009/03/michael-jack-duncan-connolly-putnam-mclean-county-autopsy-death-amy-leichtenberg.html ) across the nation where fathers/husbands are killing their wives and children. It's becoming a national epidemic.

FACT: Family Courts are putting women and children in harm's way.

This has happened in my case. A family court judge modified the criminal OP while abuser was out on parole but being prosecuted for 13 cnts of viol of OP, the judge ordered I give him my contact info. He then viol OP 3cnts 3 days later. The judge caused this.

I was brutally handcuffed, raped and beaten in May 2006 by this man.

Please watch this short video and you will know my real life fear - daily. Web Link

My rapist/husband made the 911 call, he wrote a confession to the rape. Yet they allowed him to plea out of the sex crime status thus tainting all new court cases.

Social Security gave me new #'s they said I and my battered children had over whelming evidence to warrant a new identity.

Then the Family Court Judge gave this man my contact number and granted visitation to the 200lb man who whipped two 30 and 40 lbs little boys with video cables.

My abuser was true to form he re-violated within 3 days of receiving that order.

Family Court Judges can not MAKE batterers good father's by simply ordering it. We need DV specific laws that give women and children effective legal guarantees of personal-security.

Otherwise the death count will increase.

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On 6/2/09 at 12:12 PM, patycat wrote:         Repeated separate thumbs down will cause comment to be hidden

Does susprise me in the least

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On 6/2/09 at 6:16 PM, HarryHSnyderIII wrote:         Repeated separate thumbs down will cause comment to be hidden

US Courts have never been kind to ANYONE regardless of gender, age or ethnicity UNLESS they had enough money to buy a very good lawyer.

Adults get to choose to hire a lawyer or not. Children are seldom represented by council.

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On 6/2/09 at 6:47 PM, Ladyslipper wrote:         Repeated separate thumbs down will cause comment to be hidden

When President Obama took office he published a letter to his daughters, “What I Want for You and Every Child in America.” ..........I wonder if he mentioned the autrocious "generational debt" that he is inflicting upon them......The way he is spending, the little guys will never be free.

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On 6/3/09 at 8:42 PM, patom1 wrote:         Repeated separate thumbs down will cause comment to be hidden

Just because that family court Judge was an idiot doesn't mean that in all cases that all judgements are wrong.

In most cases that DHS is involved in, they are a law unto themselves and can come in and breakup families on the word of a perfect stranger. Don't ever lay a finger on one of your children in public, because someone will see you and call DHS on you. If you are wealthy, you will probabley be ok. If you are of a lower income bracket your family is screwed.

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On 6/3/09 at 10:18 PM, glenna wrote:         Repeated separate thumbs down will cause comment to be hidden

Family Courts in most states operate under a separate set of rules than most courts (and perjury is seldom, if ever, considered a punishable offense even when shown to have occured). Yes, the majority of physical abusers are men but women can do a good job in the emotional depreivation and psychological abuse and both male and female judges have a tendency to believe the mother is the better parent and the father is the 'monster" the mother says he is. Unless BOTH law enforcement and DHS are involved the child can not be protected. That's just the truth. DHS is too overwhelmed with cases and paperwork - and, more often than not, their objective is the "reunification" of the family. That's just flat out BS because no one can monitor what goes on closely enough and the abused adult (even if that's the male) can only call so many times before no one listens. And the court listens least. For those cases that do go to trial, plea bargains are made to save money - flat and simple. It's a bad deal for the victim. They need to be put into Witness Protection permanently - but a lot of the victim adults and the children can't or won't give up their relationships with their other family members and friends. It's just a Sick System. But most judges don't want to be in Family Court in the first place - it's the bottom rung in the career ladder for a judge - and there is no Reviewing Body for Family Court Judges which is where the problem lies.

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On 6/6/09 at 12:45 PM, landlubber wrote:         Repeated separate thumbs down will cause comment to be hidden

DHS has nothing to do with most contested custody cases. Not in mine, nor the writer's. I hired one of the best, priceyest attorneys in the state. My then husband hired one willing to put liars on the stand. Period. The system is broken. Blaming the phenomenally overburdened DHS is hardly the point.

Abusive fathers in Maine have to be dead or in jail to lose contact with their children. This is fine in principle, few women truly want to raise their children alone. Rather, they want their husbands to stop hitting, choking, threatening, humiliating and/or terrifying them. Sadly, in the end most of these men only want contact with their children so they can continue to torture the children's mothers. This is where the damage is done and the cycle of misogyny and violence continues.

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