The death of 23-year-old Charlie Howard on July 7,1984, gave people a look into the face of hate. A defenseless young man was attacked because he was gay. The fight for tolerance and understanding began that night. Since then education and acceptance has been the key to positive change but there is still a way to go.

May we never forget this tragedy...and may we never forget Charlie Howard. The memorial to him in downtown Bangor is really nice; I have seen people stop and pause there, right next to the River. I hope Charlie will know soon that people will not allow that to happen to anyone , ever again. His life had meaning and worth.....and it is painful to know it ended way too soon. It is so true that all people need to feel safe and protected.

Yes..."karenlite" and "chersully2000" both have appropriate comments on this article and into the unfortunate method of murder of Charlie Howard. Seems tragic, no matter what lifestyle or preferences a person has, to do this to any human being.

For myself, I disagree entirely with homosexuality, in any form or function, but for some, this is their preference as an operating and productive human. Without the respect individuals have for human life and to take the rights to practice those absolute freedoms such as we have in the USA, we cannot live in this society - anywhere - and be a contributor to ourselves or anyone else.

Very well put chersully, I couldn't agree with you more.

I'd like to know what eventually happened to the three murderers. If they were released after their 21st birthday, they have been free since the mid 90's.

I have absolutlely no mercy onit. the kids were smart for beging minors. I know I couldn't chuck chuck over the bridge but someone chucked chuck. and furthermoe the 15 feet drop into 3 feet of water would have had a certain surviving. It sure is about the will to live as who we are isn't it? Openly gay is as productive as in the closet gay, it is all gay and hardly a striong pewrson. We could fight over it...but wehy boither? religion driving to weak spirits and self demise will have to do. Law isd a groupo of legislatures puppeted. people are something else keeping the real thing sometimes..

I have a friend who says, "I don't mind gay people so long as they act straight in public." I personally don't mind straight people so long as they act gay in public....

Sadly a lot of people in Maine still hate the homosexual lifestyle. The comments alone on stories such as this prove it. Things have changed since 1984 but those that hate the homosexual lifestyle never will change their minds. They will take their hate to their death. Thankfully many of these close minded people are dying off and the younger generation is a lot more accepting of homosexuals. It will take at least twenty more years before being a homosexual is no longer an issue as it will take that long for a lot of these old timers who are homophobic bigots die off. Granted they can teach their children hate, those that hate will no longer be the majority.

It is very nice to see this man has a memorial but I'm wondering how long it will take before some homophobic bigot defaces it. I hope it does not happen but I will not be surprised if it does. Hate crimes towards homosexuals will continue for many more years and sadly more memorials will appear.

It is sad that the men where not tried as adults so they could have been sentenced properly and served a lot more time behind bars but as they grow older they have to live with the fact that they murdered a man who did nothing wrong and I hope they have nightmares about it every time they close their eyes.

Kevin_of_Bangor: So true. And it is changing....maybe too slowly....but it is changing. What you say here about the young people and generations coming up is so true. They do not harbor those intolerant feelings......most don't anyway. They are accepting.....it is not a real big deal to them....they live their lives and want others to be able to live their's as well. They respect others' privacy and right to just be.

"Kevin_of_Bangor"; are you related to someone in MDI? I just have to say this...although I'm nearly 67 years old, my health is so good, my physician tells me that I will live, or should live longer than 20 years; could be 30 years more. I'm not a bigot, either. I don't hate the homo lifestyle, as long as I'm not forced into believing it is okay, that is. Religion, anyone? One comment allowed, now! By the way, Kev, it will take a lot longer than 20 years for that wish of yours to be fulfilled; the wish where homosexuality is no longer an issue. It always will be. I certainly hope that nobody defaces the memorial, too.

"downeastdave", I think those three "murderers" went to San Francisco to live.

Well, "harryharley", all I can say is this; no matter what names are attached to places around Maine that befit local heritage, always remember that two people lost a son. He had friends, relatives and a life just like you do. One difference; you are living and Charlie is not. Be kind, "harryharley".

All to often in Rural Maine the hate is just below the surface. There are instances when sheriffs/police and our DA's have not acted properly when it comes/came to hate crimes but were more worried about votes than justice. Imagine the fear this young man felt and the fear others that have been targeted felt. Imagine for a second being the victim and no one comes to your aid, not your elected officials, the police, the District Attorney or your own neighbors. Imagine if you are able, being targeted in your home; a place where you are suppose to be safe or on the street or in your car. Imagine yourself in these persons shoes... the feeling of fear and the feel of adrenalin coursing through your body and soul. This is no different than the fear instilled by the KKK and their burning crosses.

Gay Pride parade today?

sad the guy died. we need a pride parade

Story I heard at the time from a friend of one of the 3 minor boys was , that Chuck and his friend were making lewd remarks and advances on the 3 children and the boys intent was to scare Chuck from doing it again to other children but accidently dropped him in shallow water. I guess they should have called the police and had them arrested.

Your are so correct Jazz11 the fear the boys felt when they thought they were going to be assualted by a couple of gay adults when they are not gay and are children, invoked making wrong choices in how to handle the situtation. A sad incident for all.

Disagreement is NOT hate! Nice try though! It indeed was a tragedy that the young man was killed. But it is no worse than any other murder of a life. We live in a sinful world and there will always be SIN.

When I was younger, I think I could classify myself as a homophobe. I certainly made crass remarks and acted hostile towards it. Then one day at a party at a friends house (G), I was making the usual crude remarks about gays. Someone pulled me aside and asked " Do you know "G" is gay? I didn't , and embarssed I quickly shut up my remarks. After I thought about it. This is somebody I really admired and looked up to. He wasn't some pedophile demon or whatever pre-dispositions I had about gays. I couldn't hate this person. At that point I had to take a hard look at my attitude and change it. I now can safely say that I know longer hate people for being gay or whatever they chose. A single event CAN change a person's mind if they are accepting of change. I guess this is my coming out story. Out of homophobia.

I was a 19 year old college student at Bangor Community College when Charlie Howard was slain. I did not know Charlie, but I always felt horrible about what happened. How frightened and scared he must have been in those final moments. I think of him every time I walk by the state st. bridge. While I do not agree with his life style choice, I beleive in tolerence and acceptance. Rest in Peace Charlie Howard. You have earned it.

I would like to make a comment to Scintillate regarding the shallow waters thjat Charlie Howard died in. Go to the Bangor Public Library re-read the articles and take a very close look at the water level on the cement wall opposte from where the photo was taken. That water mark is about 2 feet below high tide. When high tide is in that stream, there is about a 10-12 feet depth of water flowing in that stream. Whoever said there was 3 feet of water in the stream at that time does not know what they are talking about.

To clarify another point for the readers, the three boys were released from reform school and went back to their respective schools. One became President of his Senior class. That makes a statement statement The three boys are now in, One in Vermont, one inn prison in the midwest and one still in the area struggling with his own demons.

It's sad when people refer to the bridge as "chuck" because they are showing how ignorant they are and how they have not grown. Ignornace will always be around and we still have to continue to educate. An ongoing battle forevery. What is good to see is the difference with the younger people's attitude and compassion for life. Onward and upward from this point.

I usually do not respond to stupidity, but Scintillate's remarks about what, "He heard." Is utter nonsense. Don't try and use my words for your twisted logic about young boys being molested. The three juveniles that threw this young man over the bridge and let him drown should have been taken to adult prison. I can only imagine what would have happened to them there by some straight 6'2" cell mate named The Gorilla.

"The New Hampshire native, who was killed because he was openly gay, will be remembered this week in a series of events that include religious services, concerts, workshops and the dedication of a memorial near the dark water where he drowned."

Homicide in all it's forms is abhorent. However, I believe that going to the extent of "religious services, concerts, workshops and the dedication of a memorlal...." is extreme in the least.

What individuals of the same sex do behind closed doors is their business. When they bring it "out" when I or others who disagree with their lifestyle have to observe it, I find that disgusting.

i feel bad gor the way he murdered sensely, there was no need of that. i am not gay but the thing i don't like about them is when they try to make a move on you when you. i've had some come right up to me and propisition me. there is no need for that and that is where alot of them get hurt. i don't know what happened that nite but making comments to these kids was also out of line. it goes both ways, don't push your lifestlye down on straight people

and alot of this won't happen.

"You don't take an entire group of people and ban them from society, remember, that's what Hitler tried to do."

They are not a group of people. They are sexual perverts much like pedophiles and those who are into other freaky practices.

Granting them some sort of mainstream status by just accepting their perversion would not be a big deal if they would keep it in their bedroom where they belong.

"I'm against hate mongering"

See that is the big goal with hate speech legislation. If you can silence the voices in opposition you then are the only ones allowed to speak. Label the opposition as haters and their speech as hate speech and then the only voice heard by our children is yours. You teach the young it is ok to be gay and they don't have to worry about their inability to reproduce naturally. You take care of that for them.

This was a sad day for most Mainers - I remember this clearly. Such a stupid thing to happen. Whether he was gay or not he was a human being. Those kids should have been trialed as a Adult. They would now.

bxr3main - Charlie COULDN'T SWIM! and he had an asthma attack. Of course he drowned! He could have in a foot of water. You should consider keeping your comments to yourself.

My mother knew Charlie and the boys that killed him. Even still I watch her sadness when this is mentioned. Some of the posters here are wrong when they say that HE should not have a memorial. The correction to that statement should be: EVERYONE who has ever died due to an act of HATE should have a memorial.

The act of killing Charlie Howard was scurrilous, cowardly.and downright stupid, I have read this same story at the mile markers. Ten years, 15 years, 20 years. and I'm sad for the parents, and friends of this man.

BUT

It is just this type of memorializing which gives the right wing fodder for their "Special rights" charges. There have been other hateful killings in Bangor and the surrounding area! Tavial Kigas was starved to death by her mother, The neighbors knew this little girl was suffering, but did nothing, not even pick up their telephones. Where's her memorial? Where's the memorial for 13-year-old Anthony Tucker of Palmyra who lost his life defending his mother and siblings? Where's the tribute to the woman, I've even forgotten her name, who was gunned down at work by her deranged husband.

There are a bunch of "hate crimes" committed in Maine everyday, Maybe you should consider honoring Charlie Howard by INCLUDING him in their list, instead of singling him out, as his murderers did 25-years ago

bxr3main: Your grammatical errors and misspellings throughout your "igno-RANT" are all telling. Maybe next time lay off the Allen's Coffee Brandy. Perhaps someone should throw you off a bridge and see if religion comes to your rescue. God may love you, but everyone else thinks you're a creep. Crawl back under the rock from which you came.

Liberals hate free speech.

What they fail to realize is that suppressing it ensures it will be seen.

"I knew he was different in his sexuality

I went to his parties as a straight minority

It never seemed a threat to my masculinity

He only introduced me to a wider reality

As the years went by, we drifted apart

When I heard that he was gone

I felt a shadow cross my heart"

-Neil Peart

Bxr3main....even IF it WAS 3 feet of water, he had also had an acute asthma attack. A person who already has a problem breathing, brought on by severe anxiety, then add submersion in 3 feet of water plus inability to SWIM...easy drowning situation.

ok im not defending bxr3main at all, but as a former lifeguard and as tall as charlie was there would be no way he would drown in three feet of water. Its impossible. I dont have any issues with gay people, i just dont think they deserve special rights to get married to each other. I hope this memorial for charlie gets a great turnout

jersk9:

Thanks so much for your thoughtful post. Cheers.

anthoine:

You ever make a "move" on a woman before? In public even, maybe at a bar? Did she turn you down? Did you think about how she would feel about it before you did?

Mainer72, I am opening a can of worms I know but... How is marriage a SPECIAL right? If everyone else can do it and then the option is given to a group that CANNOT ____ That is not SPECIAL THAT IS EQUAL.

anthoine - "don't push your lifestlye down on straight people". It does go both ways, so maybe it's "don't push YOUR lifestyle down on gay people". The comment above yours doesn't sound too brilliant either.

OKAY everyone,, all of the ticket on ebay for the Michael Jackson what do you call it are sold out. Sorry that Al Sharpton can not make any more money selling tickets to all of the white's ---------------------bet ya you can not dance like Michael Jackson can now? ITS TO LATE NOW, SO NO ONE HAS TO WORRY ABOUT THERE CHILDREN,,,,, I COULD NOT SLEEP A WINK LAST NIGHT

drc480...huh?

Berquis - very well said...and your probably right about opening the worms.

HarryHSnyderIII - you have some very insightful and valid points in my opinion. I do remember what happened to Tavial Kigas and Anthony Tucker, it makes me just as sick today as it did when it happened. I also remember, loved ones that have passed in my life tragically. None without the same kind of fanfare. I'm ok with it though. And if these people want to remember this event and raise attention to the cause of equality than I am ok with that too...it may even be a good thing for Bangor to have a reminder of not only have far she has come, but how far she still has to go every once in awhile.

who is blueox talking about? I know it is not me, I spell perfect. Every word perfect, Oh m I GOOD at this.

like Blueox, he tells people to Crawl under rocks, How Dare You Blueoxie,,,, Insult people like he is doing.

But I better let you go blueox to watch the Michael Jackson's shindig that all of the liberal stations are showing on their jerky TV

STATION'S THANK GOD THERE IS BLU-RAY NOW

I feel that a memorial is appropriate, it does not however change my mind regarding gay marriage, which is what I feel some people's intentions are. And by the way drc480, I do not believe learnt is in the dictionary.

drc480 - you know your watching MJ...why don't you just admit it? I don't think anyone else even knew it was on. it is probably what is distracting you from typing and making a fool out of your self. I know how sad it must have been for you to loose your role model, but atleast you will have all of the memories and the music never dies.

realist38, your 'belief' about whether 'learnt' is in the dictionary is a false one.

As if straight people never got thrown off bridges and drowned by hooligans.

Jimbo, can I just take a shot here? You're for gay marriage aren't you?

And ParkAveJoe good point and I 'm sure straight people get thrown off bridges and drown. Not commemmorating them should be treated as discrimination correct?

Scintillate, the story you "heard" at the time is nothing more than bunch homophobic's twisting the actual events of that horrible night to make it easier for them to accept that a young man had been brutally murdered.

Charlie and his companion were on foot...walking. The three young MEN that murdered him were in a vehicle...which they exited, to chase Charlie down, assault him (despite him begging for his life) and throw him over the bridge. You say these little pukes were scared? How? All they had to do was keep on driving. Your post makes absolutely NO sense.

God knows there are plenty of men out there that love to hit on women and cat call as they walk by. Do they deserve to die as well?

Furthermore, as someone who works in the medical field, it is VERY possible to drown in three feet of water. The fall alone would knock most of the air out the lungs (coupled with his asthma attack) and its also very likely he suffered other injuries that prevented him from moving some or all of his extremities. I'm baffled as to how anyone could question Charlie's cause of death.

I had just started high school when this happened and I'll never forget the impact it had on our state.

I'm glad that they are celebrating Charlie's life and I think the memorial is a wonderful thing. Unfortunately, as seen by some of the ridiculous comments, hate, bigotry and ignorance is still very much alive in Maine. I feel sorry for anyone that goes through life that kind of misery weighing down their soul.

This brings to mind the principal of Bangor High School...... one John Fahey who used to be my next door neighbor in Brewer when he was ten and I was twelve. In the rush to make of this horrible event what it seemed to be John stood up and told us all.... I believe in the BDN.... that this was, indeed, a terrible, terrible, thing that had just happened and he felt a great burden then crushing down on the people of Bangor. His was a message to all persons saying the hatred now exposed must be a burden for ALL of the people of Bangor and expressed the greatest of sympathy for the victim of this outrage.

In that one message I quickly connected with Johnny after all those years and told him so by telephone..... The citizens of Bangor, I suspect, did not realize what a fine person they had chosen to be the head of their highest learned institution and how honored they were to have him.

I say again...... Well said!, John Fahey.

Completely and totally agreed Paleshadow!

Wow... by some of the simple-minded rhetoric being spewed in here one would think this was some backwater town in Alabama or Georgia.

Good grief. I always thought of Mainers as better than the Southern rednecks I grew up with.

Confederate_Yankee, nice Neil Peart quote! Great song on a solid Rush album.

"Good grief. I always thought of Mainers as better than the Southern rednecks I grew up with."

I've been down south. Good people and I can now see why. They drove all the bad element in their communities up to the northeast.

Back when I was 18 or 19 I actually picked Charlie up when he was hitchhiking to Bangor just a week or so before he was killed. I remember thinking he was a little on the feminine side, but he did not put the moves on me. He seemed like a nice enough kid. It's too bad how he ended up.

thanks jersk9!

This is a sad story, and it's good that it's being resurrected once again, but this is what happens when men's hearts are controlled by

the evilness of this world.

There is only one cure for this kind of behavior and that cure is Jesus Christ.

If you will accept the fact that God sent him to pay the sin debt on the cross in full payment for your sin debt,

then He will change your heart completely. Then you will be able to reach out to the world with a heart full of

Love and not hate.

Believe me, he made that change in my life and now I look at others in a whole new set of eyes.

He can do the same for you, If you'll invite him to

Rockporter

of course this will be thumbs down but what newportress is saying, if we oppose, they throw our views out. i have nothing against gays but do keep it in your bedroom. i've had to tell a few gays i had no interests in them after they practicly look you up and down or make little remarks. i also agree with harryh, where are the tributes to the other victims he mentions. you want a voice, give us one too.

howbri [and the other religious fanatics] - you are VERY right about there always being sin in this world. How many times do we have to tell this corrupt public to stop eating lobsters, clams, shrimp, and all other things that the Lord clearly said is an abomination many more times than homosexuality, which actually isn't even mentioned in the Bible! These people, they just talk about gay rights all the time, but the real issue is stopping this SINFUL behavior that is not only accepted but promoted as a favorable lifestyle in Maine! Imagine that - people actually believing that eating lobster (with their family!) is a virtue. I don't know what our world is coming to - Maine is apparently a home for sinners. More than any other state, we promote the eating of lobster with our foolish pride, in direct violation of God's will:

Leviticus 11:10-12...

"And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you: They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination. Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you."

ParkAveJoe - yes, I'm sure many straight people have been thrown off bridges and died, but not a single one was thrown off a bridge for the fact that they were straight. Charlie was murdered because he was gay, and for no other reason. Motivation is key. There's no such thing as discrimination against straight people. Straight people are the ones with the special rights - the right to get married, to hold hands in public, to walk down the street without fear of getting gay bashed or murdered just because of how you were born.

I will be at the memorial, I'm sure among thousands of others as well. I agree with most people's sentiments that this should have been prosecuted as an adult crime. Jazz11 - I have personal experience with a homophobic district attorney who illegally sentenced me in a case because I am gay, so you are right on target with your comments! I'm sure the decision to prosecute the 4 men as juveniles was a result of homophobia on the part of the DA or someone else involved in the case. It's scary when the prejudice is not just among your peers, but also in higher branches of authority. I still think it can be scary to live in Maine for any minority - I can't imagine what it was like 25 years ago. We have to make sure things continue to change here in Maine.

Quite the oposite, newportres...

That's why their population keeps GROWING and most northern states stay stable or shrink.

If you're for one minute trying to imply that more Southerners are moving north than Northerners moving south, you're nuts. You'll find far more Mainers in Georgia or Alabama than Georgians or Alabamians in Maine.

I moved here because they didn't want to live here, and I was tired of crowds.

When is the celebration? Will there be a parade, balloons and face painting?

SunnyF ... you are wrong about the food! I know its a convienience to cite those passages but they do not apply little buddy!

My grandfather used to refer to Maine as "Mississippi with snow." If you wish to know why, someday, when you have nothing to do, count the number of times you hear the word "Jew" used as a verb.

Remembering Jesse Dirkhising: A Young Life Snuffed Out by Homosexual Lovers 9/18/2002

Arkansas boy’s death never captured imagination of media, Hollywood

By Allyson Smith

It's the third anniversary of Jesse Dirkhising’s death. Do you know who he is? He was brutally sodomized by two homosexual men.

As the third anniversary of Jesse Dirkhising’s death (September 26) approaches, interviews with the prosecutor who tried the Arkansas boy’s homosexual murderers and information gleaned from Northwest Arkansas local news reports shed new light on factors that led to the tragedy.

News of 13-year-old Jesse’s gruesome sadomasochistic killing ignited an outcry among conservatives and pro-family advocates who questioned why the case received only a small fraction of the media coverage devoted to the murder of Matthew Shepard — a "gay" Wyoming college student — a year earlier. A Nexis media database search reveals 13,500 total stories on the name "Matthew Shepard" and 632 for "Jesse Dirkhising." That does not include the massive TV coverage of the Shepard case, including two major Hollywood specials. Meanwhile, Dirkhising has been largely forgotten

ahh... 4him, welcome.

Shall we compare the number of women and girls killed by heterosexuals to the number of men and boys killed by heterosexuals?

Don't think you'd like the outcome. Not one bit.

I think you'd find statistics skewed against you monumentally.

But that doesn't apparently matter to you. Murders only matter to you when it's a homosexual that commits the murder.

Jesse's death was horrible. But no more horrible than the girls and women murdered by straight folk, including my aunt (research the death penalty of Buddy Justice and his murders in GA and FL and you'll find info).

You love to cherry pick things that support your views, when reality stands solidly against you.

I stand with reality, thanks.

Here's a quick link to prove to you I'm not lying:

http://www.tep-online.info/laku/usa/dp/evil.htm

Try harder to prove gays are evil. So far you're failing.

Isn't hate against anyone for whatever reason wrong. Using your logic on statistics are there not more hetersexuals murdered than homosexuals murdered. Wouldn't you agree a high number of murders are the direct result of hate. To make a statement that "Murders only matter to you when it's a homosexual that commits the murder." quite frankly is to juvenile to even respond to. I've said it before, you come across as any angry boy with a huge chip on your shoulder.

Yes.

Yes.

This thread isn't about perverts killing kids... It's about remembering someone for simply living their life free of harming others and in the way they feel most at peace with themselves, yet someone thinking that life so "unacceptable" that they were thrown off of a bridge.

You're comparing Jesse Dirkhising's death may not be juvenile, but it is damned sick. You call me juvenile because you know that the reason you opted to post: to try and make all gays look horrific in the tragic death of a young man, making them more vile than the idea of throwing someone off a bridge for simply being different: and you don't want to face up to that. That's why you did it, that's why you chose that story, that's why you are here: you say nothing of other murders, you say nothing if other vile acts: you're out to make homosexuals look like second class citizens, and in the sickest way you can.

Juvenile? Perhaps... Dead on?... absolutely.

Interesting information from a Goggle search of Jesse Dirkhising.

- It seems this was not a random act of violence as was the case with Charlie Howard.

- One of the men involved knew the 13 year olds parents. In fact the victim had stayed with the two men at their apartment on weekends for two months prior to his death. The child's family had been told he was helping out at a beauty salon. Charlie Howard as near as I can tell knew not one of his murders.

- Brown, who had been sexually molesting Dirkhising for two months prior his death, claimed that Dirkhising was a willing participant. Charlie Howard was not molesting anyone prior to his murder.

-Interestingly, the prosecutor choose not to pursue any allegations of molestation and both men were sentenced to life for the murder and 6 counts of rape. In Charlie Howard's case the youths were tried in juvenile and spent time in a juvenile facility. They served their time and are now free to continue with their lives. To bad Charlie Howard did not have the same chance.

After reading the additional information one question kept popping into my head....Where were the parents in this situation? Allowing a 13 year old to spend weekends with two adult males for two months seems odd.

Yes, 4HIMtoday all murders are a hate crime in once way or another.

.

SunnyF wrote: "Motivation is key. "

.

I resent that.

.

That means if someone attacks your class of people, it's more important than if my class of people is attacked.

.

Flat out wrong.

.

But anything to appease a vocal minority.

Newportres: "They are not a group of people. They are sexual perverts much like pedophiles and those who are into other freaky practices. "

Really? Let me get this right. You're saying I am a sexual pervert, much like a pedophile, and into other freaky practices? Can you tell me what, exactly, those freaky practices are? I do think I'm not living up to my legend. Let's see. I work; 2 jobs at that (and 1 is even faith-based). I pay my taxes. I take care of my family, which currently includes my partner's elderly aunt who has dementia. It's one HELL of a job, as anyone who's dealt with it can verify. I can assure you, I find pedophilia as gut-wrenchingly awful as the majority of our society does. I have no time for "freaky practices." Besides, I'm sure as I couldn't be as creative or as original as you in coming up with what those freaky practices might be. And if you're spending THAT much time obsessing about the sex lives of others, I believe, in all sincerity, that makes YOU the pervert.

Anthoine: "but the thing i don't like about them is when they try to make a move on you when you. i've had some come right up to me and propisition me."

I know! Dude, I'm so glad you agree! My girlfriends & I *hate* it when men come up crudely proposition us. Men that do that are just plain freaky. Let me say that another way: That has nothing to do with being gay or straight. It has to do with being rude and rather stupid. It has less to do with an actual invitation to engage with the person and more to do with dehumanizing the recipient. You know what? That is a trait exists across humanity. No sexual orientation or gender identity can say their ranks are exempt from stupidity. So what's the solution? Here's a suggestion from some of your women friends: Strongly encourage your friends to stop being stupid, and lead by example there! Also, when you receive an unwelcomed proposition, politely say no. Say something about how flattering it is, really!, but you're just not available or interested. It's a trick that works for us women... some of the time. Yes, SOME of the time. If it doesn't work, just know we feel your pain.

Unitarian? Ha,ha,ha,... That's not even a religion. It's just an organized form of atheism. As for the gay bit...HOMOSEXUALITY IS A SIN!

Dear Mr. 4Him. Please take your energy and create a memorial for those like the child you wrote about. You have all the rights in the world to do this. Devote yourself to child abuse and defending the young who are abused by adults. It would be a great avenue for you and maybe you would begin to understand that homosexuality is not the basis of all evil in the world. Most children are hurt and killed by men who are married, have girlfriends, are the mother's boyfriends etc., as well as by women who are their mother's.

These men who killed the poor boy you wrote about are sadistic pedophiles And if two men did the same thing to a girl they would also be sadistic pedophiles not merely "heterosexuals". Please start focusing on this horendous group of individuals. It could benefit society and with your passion and enthusiasm you might really make a difference in the world.

Just because Mr. Howard is being memoralized, it does not mean that others who have been murdered are excluded from being memoralized as well. Go ahead 4him, take up a genuine cause where you can really move the world and make a difference. I double dog dare you!

robin56: Good comments, as usual. Right on the mark.....

marediker: Yes, it is strange how interested they are. Most of us just see people, and just not at all interested in what people do in the privacy or their homes. Never could understand that kind of interest in another's business.(regardless of one's orientation.) That in itself does come across as perverted.

karenlite said it so well. It was a look at the ugliness and evil of hate and what it does to people and society. I'm a transplant who loves this state and everything about it. (I couldn't help not being born here - that was up to my Mom where she was physically when she gave birth to me - lol) - or else I'd be a native Mainer.

Seriously though, this could have happened anywhere in America, but it happened in Maine and since the horrific murder of this young man, Charlie Howard, there have been great strides taken.

I look into the face of hate every time I watch that extremist Christian group take to the airways. God is love it is said, I don't think they know that. We have a battle of personal religious beliefs against the rights of all people to be happy, to spend their life with the person they love. Who would want to be gay? In this society? It's not something someone chooses anymore than we may have chosen to be tall or thin, fat or have red hair. It is how we were made - it's who we are and that cannot be changed. I was very surprised when I first moved here as to the large number of gay couples living in the first town that I lived in here. Just like any other long-time married couple, is how they live their lives - they go to work every day, they go to church, they get involved in their community, they are good neighbors and friends, just like everyone else.

We must set aside hatred based upon such differences. How do we ever expect to have a peaceful world if we cannot even accept the rights for everyone to live as they choose and see fit and to do so without fear of being beaten or murdered. God rest his soul - his death was a terrible thing and a terrifying way to die. I think for the rest of their lives - at least I hope so - the three young men responsible for killing him will think of that night every night for the rest of their lives and remember what they did and why and they grieve and have deep regret.

BDN....can't handle the truth can you. Eliminate my post because it spoke the truth?

Nothing like censorship in the United States of America. Buncha bleeding heart, left wing. liberals.

f4driver555...I have a long history in public safety and the granite memorials do exist. You just have to look for them. There is one on Route 2 between Newport and Skowhegan that I will pass once again today.

But here is the difference between what I do and Charlie Howard....I do what I do because I made a decision to enter this field many, many years ago. I know that when I go to work I may not come home at the end of my shift. Charlie Howard did not decide to be thrown into the stream. Someone else did it for him.

There are two memorials currently at the State House. One for Fire Fighters killed in the line of duty and one for Police Offices killed in the line of duty. There are plans for a third for EMS personnel killed in the line of duty. Many EMS organizations are raising funds to build this one. Maybe you could make a donation since you feel so strongly about memorials like this.

Have you ever been to a church/memorial service for someone killed in the line of duty? I have, very moving and supportive for your brothers and sisters. They turn out by the hundreds and thousands to show respect and support for co-workers and the family.

But those of us in Public Safety do not look for the granite markers, church services, etc....we look to our co-workers, our brothers and sisters to keep our memory alive and to look out for our family if something should happen to us. Many departments hold memorial services each year for department members killed in previous years. You just do not hear about them as they are low key affairs and normally we do not make a "big" deal about them.

Now, friends and family members of Charlie Howard decide to hold a memorial service for him on the anniversary of his death....I have no problem with it and I just do not understand why anyone would have a problem with it. They want to remember him and remind people what happened 25 years ago and from your comments and others I have read on here, reminding we need as hate and bigotry is alive and well in Northern Maine.

4Him2Day - I just love waking up every morning and bathing in the warm Christian light that you always beam into your postings. Your endless ranting about people who are different, your angry-sounding allegations that others sound angry, your judgementalism & intolerance of anyone who does not buy-in to your narrow views.....Jesus would forgive you. Thankfully, I don't have to.

Here, here, Bangorian! Thank you! Charlie Howard was my friend. Many in the community who knew him rejected him for his flamboyancy, outspokenness and the mere fact he could be himself. ( that means he was authentic regardless of public opinion). I was astounded, and still am, by the people who used his death to say ,omg Charlie was my friend. I can't believe he is gone. Charlie was a sweet, kind, compassionate soul. He was a very endearing individual and one of the best friends anyone could have had. He was to have been one of my birth coaches the fall of 1984. The night he was murdered, I was to have met and picked him up to go to camp. My, then, partner and I did not get to town and we could not reach him by phone. When we arrived back in Bangor, a day and a half later he was dead. Talk about utter devastation. Now, today, I am glad this LGBTI community has catalyzed and come together more than it was 25 years ago. I truly hope and pray no one ever has to endure this kind of atrocity, again. It is sad it took his death to bring so much focus on being a stronger community, however, it did just that. I'll clue you, Charlie Howard is on the other side pleased as punch and saying woohoo, let's dance while wearing his half dress/ half men's suit outfit. Why is he doing so? Because he was pure love and loved a great celebration. His life is still being celebrated by the remembrances. He was a true 2 spirited individual, a gender bender and oh so fluid. I loved him then, I love him still and he is greatly missed by me. Thank you to all of you who hold love and compassion as more than just words and demonstrate them.

JD2008:

Not to throw water on your fire, but I am a retired law enforcement officer, 30 years, South Florida. Please do not preach to me about granite memorials or "not coming home at the EOW."

I have personally attended the funerals of FIFTY NINE brother law enforcement officers, so don't preach to me about that either. I have been shot in the line of duty, and hold the Florida Medal of Valor and the Medal of Honor.

I have earned the right to speak as I choose.

If the friends and family members of this individual care to hold a private memorial service, no problem. The problem lies with making such a public outcry about one incident.

I find that over the top.

DrumBangingGirl....thanks for your comments about your friend and good to know that Charlie is stil thought of by those who loved and care for him most....I am sure he is smiling down on seeing how much time has changed things since his tragic death and really too bad he cannot be alive in this world today to enjoy the freedom to express one's self....much work to do even today in the areas of tolerance and acceptance but one cannot deny the fact that Charlie Howard's life and his death have had a profound and positive impact on our communities....

alces247,

Only if you believe in your God and your concept of "sin".

Because Christians call something a "sin" does not imply that we should base laws against it.

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robin56,

Perfectly stated.

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JD2008,

I don't think of it as hate as much as ignorance, but very well put.

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Bangorian,

4Him is definitely suffering from a negativity complex, which is why we only hear of condemnation and judgment, never love or acceptance in his world. As for forgiveness, none of us have to, and we can only hope that he's asked for his sin of pride to be forgiven. That, however, is between him and his God.

alces247 >

Thank you for displaying your ignorance about faith and religion. You've obviously devoted about 2 seconds of your life to educate yourself about World Religions to post such a well-formulated, thoughtful argument. Unitarianism was good enough for a few US Presidents, so it should be good enough for me. I do not, however, identify as a Unitarian, a Universalist, or a UU. I am employed by the UUA. I believe whole-heartedly in the fantastic work UUs do. I love and deeply respect the people and their faith (something you might want to try: respect for those with whom you differ). My love and respect includes those who identify as atheist. My previous employer was also faith-based. It was a Jewish nursing home. Is that mainstream enough for you? I valued and respected the faith of those seniors and my professional colleagues. From your comment, I am left to believe that the only religious freedom you believe in is your own, and if we do not bow down to the god of your choice, or any god at all, we are not entitled to the promises of the US Constitution.

For the record, I was raised Catholic. For obvious reasons I no longer identify as such. My faith includes the beliefs that homosexuality, as are heterosexuality and bisexuality are not sins, but expressions of love, gifts from God or the Creator or whomever one chooses to believe in. But, I believe in your right to feel the way you do. I feel sorry for you, to live with so much vinegar in your system, but I believe in your right to feel that way.

f4driver555, Well since you felt the need to cite your life history for us while you lived in FLORIDA, I'd say its safe to assume you didn’t even live in our state when this atrocity took place. I'm actually quite astounded someone that claims to have been publicly awarded for his courage doesn’t value and comprehend the majority of Maine’s people standpoint on Charlie’s death.

I'm a Maine native, but I've also lived in many places over the years, including Daytona and in many cities I've lived in the murder rates are always significantly higher than Maine. I lived in New Haven for many years and the gunfire and sirens would go all night long. I suppose after awhile you become desensitized to crime and violence. Let us hope and pray that never happens to our state.

Coming home to Maine to visit family was always like entering another world....a blanket of safety and nativity so to speak.

Maine isn’t the deep south where hate and bigotry have always been out in the open for all to see for decades. Sure there are plenty of bigoted comments on this thread, but they're all hidden behind a veil of anonymity. This crime of hate was influential to all Mainers....whether you understood homosexuality, were opposed to it, or supported it....there is no question that it had a profound impact on all who lived here at the time. The majority feel that this memorial is much needed. Try and respect that.

"Maine isn’t the deep south where hate and bigotry have always been out in the open for all to see for decades."

So you obviously have not been here since the 50's huh? Just as in rural maine, the rural south has all the same issues and share some of the same view points on race. Go to metro Atlanta and you'll not see an example of your comment quoted above. Or in Charlotte, Miami, N.O., Memphis, Birmingham Religh-Durham, or any other large metro area in the south. Instead you'll find a large international flare mixed with old south charm.

Yes, your are correct Confederate, but only because they too were forced to look hate and bigotry in the eye. For Maine this came decades later.

Sorry if I didnt articulate my point very well. Its the best I can do on a rainy day with only a half a cup of coffee down.

lol pale, Here in the sunny south it's mid 80's and clear. I feel bad you folks are getting the shaft on summer, I rescheduled my visit to my home in the Dedham area because of the weather this year. I'm dreading the black flies and 'skeeters.

I wonder if the murderers are living in hell now? I'm sure they are not forgetful of this tragic event. I'd be interested if Judy can get an interview with any or all of them. Do they openly acknowledge their crime with family, new friends, girlfriends or spouses and their children? What kind of life do all those folks lead knowing of their father, friend, husband, boyfriend was responsible for an innocent man's death?

DrumBangingGirl: What you wrote about Charlie really touched me as I am sure it did others. Sorry you lost such a great friend .......his death was a loss to so many and to this community. Because of him and what happened to him , people had to face up to the hate and bigotry that existed and still does. Many we never ever forget.

Bangorian: Amen.

DrumBangingGirl, thank you for sharing. Blessings to you and Charlie.

I, for one, would like to hear some of your happy, pleasant memories of Charlie - no matter how small or large. Please share.

Peace sister.