Alright. I’m 75, and I am still reading Rolling Stone. Sue me.
I have never heard of most of the musicians RS covers these days. But I think the political coverage by Matt Taibbi is as good as anything available. No, he is not Hunter Thompson. But no one is.
The Oct. 6 RS issue featured “The 100 Greatest TV Shows of All Time,” by Rob Sheffield. Now this wasn’t Sheffield’s preferences. He polled actors, producers and critics for their top shows. What do they know? I watch more television than all of them put together.
Naturally Sheffield, the artistic types and I agreed on No. 1: “The Sopranos.” Talk about must-see TV! When Tony Soprano dialed 911 on his phone to call an ambulance, then hung up to choke Christopher to death, it might have been the most compelling moment on any show ever. In the best shows, you are convinced that these people actually live in their town and go to the bakery just like we do.
I parted ways with Sheffield and Rolling Stone immediately for No. 2. He picked “The Wire,” which was alright. I never sent for the second disc. “Breaking Bad” was my No. 2. Heck, it could have been No. 1. It was inconceivable that we could get so hooked on a plot with a cancer-ridden high school chemistry teacher paying his medical bills by cooking the purest meth in the country. I didn’t get it during the first few episodes, but when the acid-filled bathtub crashed through the ceiling, I was hooked. Rarely does a television show feature such a dazzling display of plot, photography, characters, acting and surprises in one package. Will you ever forget that storage locker packed with bales of $100 bills?
RS went with “Mad Men” next. A good show, especially after living through Boston office life at the Prudential Center in the 1960s, but I had to go with “Lonesome Dove.” Again, I actually believed that Gus and the boys were really out there on the plains, driving cattle. I was always fascinated with Gus’ hands, especially when he cracked the sassy bartender across the teeth with his six-gun. Robert Duvall is one of our most underappreciated actors.
Sheffield went with “Seinfeld” for No. 5, and I cannot argue with that. I go by the Cobb Manor Index in judging shows. That CMI index is the likelihood that you will slam on the surfing brakes when you come across another “Seinfeld” episode. Blue Eyes asks me why I persist watching it when I know the dialogue by heart. So? Would that disqualify watching “Godfather” or “Good Fellas”? Certainly not. I have seen each “Seinfeld” show at least 10 times, and they still make me laugh. I have one complaint. The show should have been named “George,” because he does all the heavy lifting. “Shrinkage!” he yelled, climbing out of the pool. “Definite movement, Jerry,” after the male massage.
RS goes with “The Simpsons,” “Twilight Zone” and “SNL” next. I rejected all three as top 10 material.
I will be attacked on all sides, but I had “Downton Abbey” next. Much like “The Sopranos,” I could not wait for that show to come on all week. Again, I was convinced that those people were actually living in that abbey and I could drop by for a spot of tea in the kitchen, never in the dining room. Sure, they were unmitigated snobs, but they had a few problems. I was mesmerized by Lady Mary and her amazing “smocks.” Again, sue me.
RS finished their top 10 with “All in the Family” and “The Daily Show.” I could not argue with “Family” for its brilliant portrayal of prejudice and liberal silliness. One philosophy would win one week, and then the other would prevail the next week. Watching Sammy Davis smooch Archie was a golden moment in television history. I had them at No. 5.
But back to me.
I had “M*A*S*H” at No. 6. You had to remember what an impact that had in its day during the Vietnam War. You had to watch every week — and not JUST for the nurses.
The show I would not miss watching even today was “Cheers,” because it was in a Boston bar I visited often. In fact, it was my grandfather’s team of horses that was featured in the introduction. Jeremiah Twomey had a stable around the corner and used to take his family along the Jamaicaway on Sunday to gaze at Mayor John Michael Curley’s mansion. Alright, I was in love with Diane and I hated the way Sam treated her.
Naturally, “Friends” was on the top 10 at No. 8, even though they never locked an apartment door or drank a beer in five years. This was New York, after all.
The list would not be complete without “NYPD Blue.” As Sheffield remarked, “Dennis Franz’s Detective Sipowicz was a foul-mouthed, racist alcoholic — and was the most sympathetic cop here.” I found it impossible that the sweating Sipowicz ended up with Sylvia (luscious Sharon Lawrence), but it’s television, right?
I had to close with “Ballykissangel,” a BBC production on Ireland life that always ended up in the town pub. You knew the priest with the wandering eye and the pretty bartender would never end up together — not in Ireland. But you had to watch anyway, for the scenery if nothing else. It always awakened that dull pain in my heart for the old country.
I tried to fit in “The Americans” and “The Mary Tyler Moore Show,” but there is only so much room, you know?
Sue me. Make your own list.
Emmet Meara lives in Camden in blissful retirement after working as a reporter for the Bangor Daily News in Rockland for 30 years.