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Margaret Knapp, a working mother, lives in Winterport.
As a working mother, waking life sometimes feels like a constant state of triage, sorting through all the things ahead and strategically choosing those things that hold the greatest importance to do first, trying to get to the rest as time and resources allow, hoping they can hang on until I can manage to get to them.
So it was on one of those days where there was a lull in the chaos that I gathered what I felt would certainly be more than adequate documentation for obtaining my Real ID, including birth certificate, Social Security card, proof of address and current driver’s license. With forms in hand and resolve to endure the obligatory mind-numbing wait, I headed to the Bureau of Motor Vehicles, where I was informed that I would need to produce something I hadn’t even thought about for 22 years: my marriage license, as proof of my name change.
Though the Real ID requirement went into effect earlier this month, according to the WABI News Desk, as of May 1, only 29 percent of Mainers have obtained their Real ID. Absent from this and much other reporting covering the Real ID transition, however, is the fact that people who have changed their name — the majority of whom are married women — are required to have, in addition to the documentation required of everyone, “a marriage license, divorce decree, or court order” as supporting documentation of the name change.
A few of the news outlets, including the Bangor Daily News, across the country that have reported on this specific requirement of Maine and many other states have highlighted some of the hardships this has caused women, and especially senior women. In a story by Ashley J. Dimella for FOX News, she describes the struggle Dorothy Ballone of Rochester, New York, has had in tracking down the requisite original copy of her marriage license from 67 years ago, even though she had managed to obtain a certified copy. The church where she was married doesn’t even have the original as they do not keep records that far back. Thus, the longer people have been married, the harder it is to obtain the original.
Most women who chose to take our husband’s name, myself included, provided our marriage license for the process of changing our name through the Social Security Administration soon after we were married, assuming, often even being told, that once we had jumped through that bureaucratic hoop, our changed name through Social Security would suffice as proof of name change going forward — and it absolutely should.
We don’t live in a world where marriages always end in an “Eat, Pray, Love” type process of self-discovery and adventure. Many marriages end because of betrayal or domestic abuse, and arbitrarily requiring women to produce a document signifying an incredibly difficult time in their life may cause them to unnecessarily relive a trauma they shouldn’t have had to endure in the first place. I appeal to Gov. Janet Mills, who has herself shared having experienced domestic abuse, and all Maine lawmakers, to revisit this unfair situation and consider asking to be allowed a Social Security name change as sufficient proof of name change for the Real ID.
This was my first Mother’s Day without my mother, as she passed away in December, and I have been thinking of ways I can honor her memory. She drove a tiny VW Beetle with a U-Haul trailer attached, in a snowstorm, from Aroostook County to Atlanta, Georgia, to marry my dad who had been drafted for the Vietnam War. She didn’t have to deal with this particular situation, but if she had, I’m quite sure she would have had some colorful things to say about it. This is for you mom.