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Jeff Edelstein of East Waterboro is a public policy mediator who has resolved conflict from the community level to Congress. He is the author of “ From Oath to Action: Simple Acts of Courage to Rebuild American Democracy” and founder of Acts of Kindness Maine.
Integrity is not about whether we make mistakes. It’s about what we do afterward. True integrity means not just apologizing, but repairing any harm done and putting safeguards and systems in place to ensure that we never make the same mistakes again. And for public officials, I believe an even higher level of integrity is to work to create policy that addresses on a societal level the harm that they had caused individually.
If Graham Platner can rise to these heights of integrity — repairing harm, ensuring it will not happen again, and using what he has learned to create effective policy — I believe he could show the people of Maine what political leadership — and healthy masculinity — can look like at a time when such models are sorely needed.
First, I encourage Platner to offer women from his past who he might have harmed the opportunity to share how they were impacted by his actions. Platner should listen deeply and work to repair any harm that is his to own.
Second, Platner should stop attacking others for his mistakes, in particular the media. Our democracy depends on transparency, and that is the role of the media, and the price that public servants pay for the chance to lead. I see Platner using a common tactic of those who have caused harm, called DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. DARVO is often used by domestic abusers. It is the last thing Platner should be doing.
Similarly, I think Platner should stop making statements like “people don’t care about gossip or headlines, they care that you’re fighting for their hospitals, their paycheck, their kids.” That sells the people of Maine short. Most of us care about both: a candidate’s character as well as what he or she is fighting for.
Third, I think Platner should create an “Integrity Council” to hold himself to the highest degree of character, both during his campaign and as a senator should he win. The council would include Mainers from across the political spectrum who have themselves demonstrated the highest degree of integrity in their lives. By taking this bold step, Platner could set a standard of integrity that every politician in America should emulate.
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, Platner should make combating violence against women a cornerstone of his public service. He should form an advisory council to guide his efforts, made up of leaders from Maine’s advocacy groups battling sexual assault, domestic violence, and sex trafficking, and groups fostering healthy masculinity for boys and men. Platner could also show leadership by launching a congressional “Healthy Masculinity Caucus” to push for federal programs and funding to support men in moving beyond violence towards women.
The argument that a candidate’s personal life has nothing to do with their political life is overly simplistic. Voters need to know not just what a candidate promises to do in office, but also whether they will keep those promises. Without any substantial record of public service by which to judge Platner’s fidelity to his promises, the public has no choice but to judge him by his personal life and, to his credit, he has courageously admitted his essentially breaking of one of the most sacred vows a person can make, their marriage vows.
I’m not saying that Platner’s actions automatically disqualify him from office. Indeed, some of the most honorable people are that way precisely because they know firsthand what it is like to fail and harm those closest to them. But, to me, Platner needs to show that he has truly grown from his mistakes, not just with words, but with actions: Repairing the harm to any women involved; putting safeguards and systems in place to ensure that he will keep his promises to the public; and making violence against women a cornerstone of his public service. If he does all that, I think he will be the type of leader Mainers seek and deserve.