I think we all would like to believe that, if put in the same position, we would act as the five brave Husson University students did on May 5 when they intervened, disarmed and apprehended a man who was attacking his wife in the school parking lot.
We’d like to think we would have punched him, jumped on him and screamed for help.
We’d like to think we would have done all we could to prevent him from furthering that vicious assault.
The 35-year-old victim was screaming after all. She was yelling for help; pleading for someone to call 911. She was bleeding.
Who could not help? Who could just walk away and continue on with their day?
But the truth is that most physical domestic abuse doesn’t occur in parking lots. It occurs behind closed doors. The person being abused doesn’t always yell for help or bleed.
The signs that someone is being abused, that someone’s life is at risk are often more subtle. They are sometimes hard to see, unclear and confusing.
If you’re not sure exactly what you’re seeing, knowing how to react can be difficult.
Now that 22-year-old Yeardley Love, a senior at the University of Virginia is dead, people are talking about all of the signs that her boyfriend George Huguely, also a UVA senior, was abusive.
Everyone now seems to know that he could get pretty violent when he was drunk; that he reportedly was always calling or texting Love to the point of obsession and that he once beat up a sleeping fellow student whom he thought may have kissed Love.
Many of her friends were reportedly concerned about the relationship.
Too often the friends, loved ones and co-workers of people killed in domestic homicides are left to not only bear the grief of the loss, but also with questions of whether they could have done any-thing to help.
In the introduction to the 2008 report from The Maine Domestic Homicide Review Panel, panel chair Lisa Marchese, an assistant attorney general who prosecutes many domestic homicide cases wrote, “Although people recognize the dangers inherent in an abusive relationship there remains a challenge in educating citizens in how to help one another.”
Too often bystanders and victims minimize an abuser’s threats and sometimes the result is lethal.
A review of domestic homicide cases in Maine continues to reflect that many bystanders were aware of both suicidal and homicidal threats made by the abuser prior to the murder.
There are many reasons people might choose not to get involved when suspicious that someone is being abused: They may be afraid of the consequences; they may be unsure of themselves or their suspicions; they may feel it is none of their business; they may be afraid of embarrassing the victim if they verbalize their concerns; they may not know exactly what to do.
Do something.
There are numerous hot lines, websites and domestic abuse prevention agencies. There is information available to address your concerns and questions. Get it and do something.
Teens in abusive relationships or parents, peers or teachers concerned for a teen in an abusive relationship can go to www.loveisrespect.org. Young men and women can call the love is respect hot line anonymously and talk to trained peers 24 hours a day. That number is 866-331-9474.
The National Domestic Violence hot line is 800-799-SAFE (7233), its website is www.ndvh.org. The website has an entire section devoted to helping a friend or family member who may be in an abusive relationship.
The courageous actions of those five Husson University women made international news. So too did the tragic death of Yeardley Love this month.
There are things to be learned form both. There are things to be learned from every case of do-mestic homicide. You might not need to disarm a knife-wielding attacker to save someone’s life. Perhaps all you’ll need to do is lend a sympathetic shoulder, provide a good ear or make a phone call.
I think we all would like to believe that if put in that position we would be brave enough to do that.