For the past few nights Heather has lain in her bed, unable to sleep. When she closes her eyes, pictures of accused murderer Arnold Diana play in her head.
Heather, whose last name is being withheld at her request, was in a relationship with Diana for five years and had a child with him before they broke up in 2007. Diana, 35, of Rockland was arrested on Nov. 27 and charged with murder in the death of Katrina Windred.
Police say Diana strangled the 47-year-old Friendship woman on Nov. 20 before dumping her body on the outskirts of Rockland. According to police reports, Windred dated Diana but broke up with him about three months before her death.
Heather said that when she looks back on her relationship with Diana, which ended with her taking out a protection from abuse order against him three years ago, she feels Windred might still be alive if she had done things differently.
“I never reported any of it. Not even when he put his hands on me. Maybe some of this could have been prevented. Maybe someone’s life could have been saved,” she said. Heather never called the police to report the violent acts she attributed to Diana.
Heather said she met Diana in the Hampden Rite Aid in the fall of 2003. She ran into a friend who introduced her to Diana. She was 18 then and he was about 10 years older. She was attracted to his “beautiful eyes,” his sweet-talking ways and that he seemed somehow different from other men. She wrote her phone number on his hand and thought that would be that.
“I thought he’d never call me — me being 18 and he was so much older,” she said Tuesday at her Waldo County home.
But he did call about two weeks later. They met at a friend’s house and instantly fell in love, she said.
“From then on, we were inseparable,” Heather said.
The couple moved in together and by January, Heather was pregnant.
“Everything seemed fine. We bickered, but couples do,” she said.
By March 2004, Heather said, Diana started drinking beer more often. After one particular party, she said, they came home and there was trouble.
Heather remembered making Diana a sandwich and placing it in front of him.
“He swept the table with his arm and a plate hit the wall,” she said. “He grabbed me, and I said, ‘Don’t touch me.’”
According to Diana’s ex-girlfriend, name-calling ensued and the relationship became rocky. She suspected he was lying about little things, but despite all the problems, she wanted to keep her family whole.
When their daughter was born, things seemed to be getting better. Diana loved the infant, she said.
“He was an amazing father. They had such a strong bond,” Heather said Tuesday.
According to Heather, Diana learned to read so he could read to the baby, and he would get down to her level and play with her. He was a stay-at-home father.
Heather said Diana’s temper got worse, and by 2007 she decided she couldn’t live with him anymore. He wasn’t as attached to his daughter. He threatened her and made her afraid for her child’s safety, she said. In court documents filed later, Heather wrote that “Arnold has also been medically diagnosed with bipolar.” Diana, who attended counseling for his disorder during their relationship, reportedly started to refuse medical treatment.
The couple broke up in September 2007 and Diana moved to Rockland, Heather said, but the two still would talk and he saw their child every once in a while. After his move, Diana started threatening Heather, she said. She asked for a protection from abuse order and it was granted in December 2007.
In the protection from abuse order filed in Belfast District Court, Heather wrote, “[Diana] stated that if I ever showed up in Rockland … it would be the last time that I ever showed up anywhere ever again.
“Arnold also then continued and stated that he has the perfect plan on how to kill someone and get away with it,” Heather wrote in the court document.
Once the protection from abuse order was granted to Heather, she didn’t hear from Diana again.
“I moved on with my life and I didn’t think I had to worry about him anymore,” Heather said. “Until now.”
Heather’s experience is not unusual, according to a domestic violence expert.
Meg Klingelhofer, the community education director at New Hope for Women, said domestic violence in Maine is “sorely underreported.”
“There are so many reasons why people don’t report domestic violence, and at the crux of it is that they have been getting a message from their abuser that it’s their fault. There is so much shame,” Klingelhofer said.
Red flags of abuse include an abuser isolating the partner from friends and family and the abuser becoming jealous, possessive or overly critical. Another red flag is if a relationship becomes serious very quickly.
Klingelhofer said abuse tends to “increase in severity and frequency over time,” and breaking up with an abuser is often a dangerous step.
“Leaving a relationship is the most dangerous time because it’s the ultimate loss of control for an abuser because they can’t maintain power. It’s so threatening, the stakes get higher, and there’s more of a sense of nothing to lose,” Klingelhofer said.
According to police affidavits, Windred and Diana were dating and broke up three months ago. The report also details that Diana had called Windred “at least seven times during the day Saturday [Nov. 20].”
As for Heather, she said she is happy to be safe.
“I’m fortunate. I had a chance to start over. I am married and have a new baby. But this will always be a part of me — a scar,” she said.