Jesus had better not return to earth this week. We will be too busy with the Facebook IPO to deal with Him. “That’s very nice, Lord,” we’ll say, escorting Him to a chair in the corner. “But we’re looking at an initial stock price of $100! Initial! Do you know what that means?”
“Stop talking to Him, He only had 11 friends,” someone will shout. “And 12 subscribers.”
The Facebook IPO has passed through the stratosphere of hype and is hovering somewhere between “Star Wars: Episode 1 — The Phantom Menace” and M. Night Shyamalan’s second film.
The Facebook IPO is going to cure cancer and also tell us what glasses flatter our face shapes. It is going to find us dates on the Internet who are neither creepy nor excessively earnest. What penicillin did for medicine, the Facebook IPO will do for everything else.
And I fear that I’m understating things.
I am not sure how Facebook decided to value itself at $5 billion. Consider that Facebook contains Farmville and users like my friend who updates on an hourly basis to say how “fierce” she is feeling. And this IPO is supposed to spin the questionable straw of Facebook user profiles into, well, actual gold.
How? No one is quite sure. They say that if you are using something for free, you aren’t the consumer — you’re the product. If so, I am the product, and anyone who invests in Facebook is investing in me — or, more specifically, in my capacity to click on ads. I should warn investors that, while I excel at clicking on ads, I am less good at buying things afterward.
This monetization question is the big problem of the Social Internet: Everyone’s here, but how do we make them pay for things without undermining the premise?
People expect a lot from this IPO. But I’m chary. Facebook has a strange track record when it comes to privacy, and pressure to squeeze money from users for its advertisers seems unlikely to improve things on that front. The company’s unofficial philosophies are “move fast and break things” — which might explain Timeline — and that it’s easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission.
Facebook users are the definition of a captive audience. And with the failure of a viable alternative to emerge in Google(plus)+, things are likely to remain that way for a while. Half the world’s Internet population sounds like it should be worth $5 billion. But monetizing us? Forget the loaves and fishes — that’s a miracle I’d like to see.
Alexandra Petri is a member of The Washington Post’s editorial staff.
Facebook is bigger then Jesus?? I don’t think I have “ever” been that confident to try and put the son of god in a corner. I’m no fan of religion in any form, but several statements in this article are arrogant and ignorant in the extreme. Desperate to sell more copies of the Post much lady??
Besides the obvious blasphemy in comparing Facebook to Jesus, the writer hasn’t paid attention to this IPO I presume. Zucker didn’t hide or lie about how he intends to satisfy shareholders. Facebook users ARE the product as it is their information that will be sold to companies at $125 a pop. He will also allow corporations to send malware and adware to everyone on your “friend’ list AND use everything you post to provide “peer pressure” for you friends to do the same.
None of this matters however, because all that personal info up til now is ALREADY property of Facebook, and is being used by marketing firms everywhere. So why go public ? Because all of the REAL initial investors want to “cash out” with their fortunes now. This IPO is being hyped like no other in history and most people I know want to buy shares because…….uhm….well….uhm…well it’s what my “Friends” are gonna do so it must be right ! Once the IPO shares are sold these people will REALIZE this great wealth in reality…not on paper. Facebook will then fade into oblivion and the $100 purchase price will disintegrate quick thereby relieving investors of their shirts. It’s called a “pump and dump” and this is an example of the strategy in UNPRECEDENTED scale. An investor I respect once told me “If you’re hearing about a hot stock to invest in….it’s too late. The big money’s been made”. This is the case in a nutshell with Facebook. If you are itching to get in, WAIT until 6 mos after the IPO…..If it’s as hot as everyone is SAYING …there will be plenty of upside left to make money. My guess is BILLIONS will be lost by small beans investors while BILLIONS are made by Zuckie’s real initial investors.
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