It appears that seeing actually is believing and today, with video cameras tucked in every nook and cranny of our world, we are seeing a lot.
For decades, thousands of advocates around the country have worked tirelessly to reduce domestic violence, to increase criminal penalties for those who commit it, to provide help for victims trying to get away from it and to get all of the rest of us to take notice and refuse to tolerate it.
Much has changed because of that work, but each step has been a hard-fought battle and there is much left to do. Progress can painfully be slow.
Unless there is a video recording.
I was sickened by the video images of Baltimore Ravens football player Ray Rice dragging his then fiancee out of an Atlantic City hotel elevator, unconscious, after apparently striking her.
But the good news is that a lot of other people were, too.
So when NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced Rice’s professional punishment would be to sit out two games, people actually were offended and angry and spoke up.
We all know what happened next. Goodell actually admitted he made a mistake and the NFL changed its personal conduct policy.
Now, violations by a player involving domestic violence and or sexual abuse will result in a six-game suspension for a first offense and indefinite suspension for a second.
Just like that!
Without that video recording the policy (actually there was no clear policy) might never have been changed and if it had it would have taken months or years and many, many meetings to achieve.
This week, closer to home, the seven-months pregnant woman who was severely beaten by her boyfriend in the hallway outside their Essex Street apartment spoke to the Bangor Daily News and then to local TV stations.
She has had three surgeries. She has lost vision in both eyes. Her injuries are horrific and raw and disturbing to see, but she bravely allowed herself to be seen.
Though I’ve made my living with words my entire adult life, I recognize pictures and video are incredibly powerful.
It’s easier to walk away and get on with your own life when you only read about abuse. It’s harder to do when you witness it.
Of course, the vast majority of the abuse that is taking place inside the homes of domestic violence victims is not recorded on video. The only ones who see it are the ones who live there.
If you were outraged when you watched that elevator footage of Rice, imagine the feelings of kids who witness it in their home and the person being struck is their mother.
Those kids have their own very private videos playing in their heads.
I can’t say I’m comfortable that cameras are focused on us all of the time — where we shop, walk, eat and play — but they are certainly proving useful on occasion.
The Rice case is evidence of that.
It may seem a small step that the NFL has chosen to take, or one could argue was forced to take via public opinion, to develop stricter domestic violence policies for its players. But it is not.
Too often sports heroes have escaped accountability amid abuse allegations.
That short, grainy video outside an elevator, and the image of a local woman whose life will never be the same, should inspire us to do all we can to turn the tide against domestic violence.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence and would like to talk with an advocate, call 1-866-834-4357, TRS 1-800-787-3224. This free, confidential service is available 24/7 and is accessible from anywhere in Maine.
Renee Ordway can be reached at reneeordway@gmail.com