It is said the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. If the owner of that hand has been slapped around and lives in fear, what kind of world will result? It benefits us all if each individual home is a safe place.
It doesn’t seem too much to ask that home should be a safe place. Unfortunately, for many in our communities, a safe home is only a dream. For them, home is a place of control, coercion and the constant threat of violence. When they return from school, work, shopping or a visit with their friends, their pulse rate goes up, their breathing gets shallower and they begin to sweat. “What will it be like tonight when I get to the other side of the front door?” they wonder. Maybe there will be tenderness and thoughtfulness. Or maybe there will be tension, walking on eggshells, unreasonable demands and hurts inflicted in places where no one else can see them.
No one deserves to live with that fear. People are too valuable to be torn up on the inside and broken on the outside to satisfy the twisted desires of another. Women, men and children are each made in the image of God. They are created equal, and each one has the right to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” This is one of the foundational values of our country. Shouldn’t it be true in our homes?
In addition, safe homes make for safer communities. If terror characterizes the home life of your co-worker day after day, how do you think that impacts their job performance? If that is the life of a student in your classroom, how well do you think they will pay attention in class? If a person from that home is dating your son or daughter, how do you think it will affect their relationship? Domestic abuse happens too often, in homes of every variety and station in life, and it affects all of us, whether it happens in our own home or not.
As a pastor, I am sad to report that when I address these issues with some folks, the response I get is, “Well, what happens in the privacy of someone else’s home is none of my business.” If their son or daughter should marry someone who learned in the privacy of their own home that violence and the threat of violence are a normal part of family life, they will discover suddenly that it has become their business.
Care and respect is the way we who follow Jesus have been taught. For Him and for all who seek to follow Him, love is not about controlling others but is about self-control. It is not about getting our own way but about serving the best interests of others. For example, in the Bible it says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. … In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church.” (Ephesians 5:25-29)
Jesus’ standard, the model for all of us, includes giving Himself up. It involves feeding and caring. Jesus spoke with compassion, paying special attention to those who were weakest and most in need. He lived His life for others and suffered and died for all of us. He didn’t demand that we follow all His rules perfectly before He would care for us. His sacrificial love came long before anyone even knew how much He cared, and He instructed us to live and love like He did.
I am blessed to be part of a congregation of people who are committed to helping end domestic abuse. I know many other churches that take the same stance. I hope and pray that all of us will join in this effort, using all our influence to support victims and unmask abusers and hold them accountable to change. Let’s all work to make our communities safer by making every home a safe place.
Spruce Run-Womancare Alliance’s 18th annual Race to End Domestic Abuse will be Sunday, Oct. 5, from noon to 3 p.m. at the Guilford Athletic Fields in Guilford. Participants may run in the 5K, walk with friends or family, or enjoy a cookout and music. For more information, visit http://bit.ly/racetoend.
Jim Proctor is pastor of the Corinth United Methodist Church. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.