The alleged criminal conduct of Jeremiah Gorman and his subsequent suicide are the kind of events that defy descriptive words. My heart and the hearts of most Mainers, I’m sure, feel for the young victim, her family, and the Bangor and John Bapst communities. Experiencing it vicariously through the news media is disturbing enough. I can’t imagine the conversations, the grief, the unsettled emotions of those more closely involved.
I told my son, a sophomore in high school, about the situation. He was quiet for a moment, then shaking his downturned head, he said, “That’s so messed up.” Or at least that’s the print-worthy version. I allowed the vulgarity as it echoed what most of us have been thinking. Learning to wrap our minds around the darker parts of the human condition is one of life’s most significant and ever-present challenges.
Knowledge of what drives the behavior of sex offenders is evolving, but such profile analysis is of little comfort in the shocking immediate aftermath and is best left until the shock has abated and investigations are completed. Primacy must be given to the fact that this student, her body and her trust were manipulated and violated.
Secondarily, the trust of her family, schoolmates, teachers and fellow community members has been violated. Perceptions have been permanently altered. Fear and suspicion can, quite understandably, take hold.
Hope is like the sun, though; even when you can’t see it, it’s still there. Hope can be found in realizing that this young victim is also a hero.
By coming forward, she likely saved herself and others from further manipulation, sexual exploitation, and possibly sexual assault. Nearly 70 percent of those who assault children have between one and nine victims; 20 percent have 10-40 victims. The Bangor and John Bapst communities owe the courageous, unknown young lady a debt of gratitude.
These communities should also take great pride in coming together in a very troubled time. Press reports of Head of School Mel MacKay show him to be an effective communicator and leader, constantly emphasizing the need for an ongoing, supported healing process for the students and community.
Hope can be found in the fact this teen trusted her mother and law enforcement enough to seek help and that she knew to seek help in the first place. I hope she continues to be able to trust when trust is warranted as she moves forward with her life.
Maybe someday she will even be able to celebrate her role as the latest to join a process started by grassroots advocacy organizations who serve victims and raise awareness. In coming forward, she has done both.
As painful as it seems, hope can be found in trying to see this language-defying, seemingly incomprehensible, dark situation as representative of progress. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I am familiar with the trajectory of this progress. Decades ago, there were no public awareness campaigns, no advocacy organizations, no educational resources; there was no coming forward. Sexual abuse was society’s dirty little secret.
Like Gorman, one of my perpetrators eventually committed suicide. I had been a small child at the time of the crimes, and he didn’t commit suicide until well over a decade later. Even though I am not at all responsible for his actions against me or anyone else, I can’t help but wonder how many others there may have been.
Surviving sexual violence is all about learning to reconcile with dark realities, and it’s a process that continues over a lifetime.
To the unknown young lady: My thoughts and best wishes are with you as you begin to recover and heal. You are amazing and strong and courageous, and I hope these traits guide your healing process. I admire you very much.
Trish Callahan is a mother and writer who lives in Augusta and does consulting work for a local nonprofit.
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