The predictable passages of advancing age come to us all, Rabbi Richard Address said, first as caregivers for aging loved ones and later as we journey closer to life’s end ourselves.
“It’s important to take stock of your life at every age,” he said. “It’s precious. It’s a gift. Don’t waste it.”
Address is a proponent of what he calls “ sacred aging,” his philosophy that people of any faith background — or none — can find strength and support in spiritual texts and rituals that confer meaning and dignity on the milestones of our advancing years.
He will deliver presentations in Greater Bangor next weekend with the goal of drawing family caregivers to his talks, along with health care providers, spiritual leaders and others who interact regularly with the aging and the elderly.
Taking a spiritual approach to caregiving confers an air of sacrament to the everyday tasks of caregiving, he said in a recent interview.
“It can make the difference between a growth-oriented process and curling up in a ball,” said Address, who is 70 and lives in southern New Jersey.
One familiar reference, he said, is the Fifth Commandment, found in the Old Testament book of Exodus: “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God gives you.” The message is plain enough, he said, but the reminder that caring for an elderly parent is a sacred opportunity, as well as a practical obligation, can elevate a caregiver’s perspective.
Other situations are more complex, such as caring for a relatively young spouse with dementia. Rates of Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of age-related dementia or expected to rise sharply in coming years, Address noted, affecting millions of older couples and their families. Faith communities must prepare to support this wave.
For a healthy partner deprived of meaningful companionship, the losses associated with dementia can be overwhelming, Address said, and it’s not unusual or necessarily wrong to be drawn into a new relationship, even while continuing to care lovingly for a stricken husband or wife.
“The power of relationship and community become more important as we age,” he said. “Human contact is essential. No one wants to be alone.” Faith communities can choose to be supportive, he said, by recognizing and solemnizing an extramarital relationship that evolves in this context.
Taking a sacred approach to aging also allows for the use of “new age” or traditional rituals to honor milestones such as entering hospice care, moving into a care facility or signing an advance directive declining life-prolonging interventions, Address said. Even the simple recognition that a strong, possibly even intimidating parent has become frail and dependent can be made more meaningful through prayer or ritual.
“Even devout atheists understand that there are moments in life when you should stop and give thanks or ask for peace,” he said. “These are opportunities to recognize a powerful moment.”
Address will deliver the following talks:
— “Sacred Approaches to Aging and Mental Health,” 3:30-5 p.m., Thursday, Oct. 22, Barrows Hall, University of Maine, Orono.
— “Sacred Aging and the Role of Elders,” 12-1:30 p.m., Friday, Oct. 23, 67 College Avenue, Orono. This program is part of the Wilson Center Interfaith Luncheon Series.
— “Sacred Approaches to Health and Wellness,” 7 p.m., Saturday, Oct. 24, St. Joseph Healthcare, 900 Broadway, Bangor.
Address also will lead a Torah study and discussion from 9:30 to 11:30 a.m. Saturday, Oct. 24, at Congregation Beth El on 183 French St. in Bangor.
All events are free and open to the public.
