I have been called both a private and public nuisance over the years. Guilty.
And I plan to continue the practice after June 14, no matter how my Camden neighbors vote. It’s too late in the game to change now.
In case you have not heard, Camden voters plan to vote on a law prohibiting the feeding of birds or any other wildlife. The fine, you will not believe, is $300 a day.
The vote will be a result of complaints about piles of bird droppings on the homes and cars on properties in the tiny neighborhood of Chestnut and Bay View streets.
Select Board members have suggested adopting an ordinance similar to one approved in Rockland a few years ago.
The ordinance adopted in Rockland prohibits “Dispensing, feeding, or otherwise making available to any species of wildlife, including birds, any type or amount of food that creates an unreasonable disturbance, or attracts other wildlife, vermin, or pests, or results in the accumulation of droppings, feces, feathers, or otherwise constitutes a private or public nuisance.”
Public Enemy Number One in this case is Gian Gallace, who confessed to feeding birds for 20 years with no problems. “The overwhelming number of people support” feeding birds, Gallace said at a public hearing on the matter.
At $300 a day, or $109,500 a year, the 20-year fine could be $2.1 million for bird feeding.
I’m with Linda Norton, a neighbor of Gallace and another admitted bird feeder. “Quite honestly, I think this is asinine. It’s not like I’m feeding black bears,” she said.
I’m also with Select Board member Leonard Lookner, the town’s unofficial Godfather. “Camden has gone 225 years without a problem. I don’t see why neighbors can’t just go and speak to each other.”
I must admit that I have been a felonious bird feeder for decades.
Like most things in my life, it all started with Blue Eyes. She is an ardent animal rights advocate who has been feeding birds, squirrels and raccoons at her Rockland estate. I must testify that one of her neighbors complained about the seagulls coming and leavings on his windshield. At her urging during one bitter winter, I bought a bag of puppy chow and started feeding my frozen crows and became a “nuisance”…once again.
I kind of liked it when they flew to my yard after a scoop or two of the dog chow. The problem of course was the traveling band of seagulls, which would swoop down like Pearl Harbor and take over the yard. The crows would just watch. The gulls always remind me of the motorcycle gang in “The Wild One.”
Even when there is not a single gull in the sky, they arrive within minutes. They might have radar.
I assume the crows have grown timid after farmers tried to poison them for a century or two. Now, they look like a bomb demolition crew approaching food, even after all this time of luxury treatment at Cobb Manor. One crow will touch the food with his beak, then fly away to avoid the possible explosion. The rest will just watch, waiting for disaster.
While they think about it, the gulls descend and clean out the yard. Then, I refuse to give the crows another feeding. Maybe they should take assertiveness training. Cobb Manor has an acre of grass, so the bird feeding isn’t bothering any neighbors.
I only cater to my crows during the winter. When the grass turns green, they are on their own. No more puppy chow.
No matter what the results of the vote on June 14, I will stand by my winter crows until death … or that $300-a-day fine.
I have always been a nuisance, both private and public. Ask anyone.
Emmet Meara lives in Camden in blissful retirement after working as a reporter for the Bangor Daily News in Rockland for 30 years.