You can hardly believe anything you have read, been taught or seen. Time changes everything, in case you hadn’t noticed.
I waste most of my life on Facebook because I can. All right, most of it is opinionated whimsy from both sides of the political spectrum. But occasionally, there are educational and illuminating comments.
Not from any of my friends, but still.
One comment this week was that the punishments of one’s youth have become the pleasures of one’s advanced age. They listed staying home from the party, staying in the house all day (grounded) and going to bed early.
Admit it, it’s true.
While perusing websites this week, I stumbled across YourTango.com, which illustrated changes in the norm, changes from all your sainted mother drilled into your head. According to our new pals at YourTango, the three mortal sins of sloth, swearing and staying up late are now considered signs of unusual intelligence, like mine.
Now, I creep into bed as early as I can, but I don’t sleep until midnight. First of all, The New York Times crossword, the basis of my life, must be completed. They don’t release it until 10 p.m., so I print it and take it to bed or simply do it on my iPhone. The iPhone screen is too small for such an effort, but I often make do.
I usually listen to Tony Kornheiser podcasts during the crossword effort, but Pandora comedy broadcasts or WFAN sports radio is available for sleepytime options.
This is all good for me and what’s left of my gray matter. According to Psychology Today, humans have a unique ability to “override their internal biological clock and its rhythmic outputs,” whether they’re conscious of it or not. Humans have the ability to choose when they go to bed and when they get up, they can decide if they want to be night owls or morning people and “more intelligent children grow up to be more nocturnal as adults than less intelligent children,” the magazine stated.
So there.
Let those kids stay up playing video games. Otherwise, they will grow up to be Donald Trump voters.
Also let them swear their heads off.
A recent study (they are endless) proves that swearing isn’t a sign of someone with a limited vocabulary, as your parents may have led you to believe. And you have these two (unidentified) psychologists the Huffington Post reported on to thank. The pair tested the vocabulary of their participants, ages 18 to 22. They first “asked them to name as many taboo words as they could within a time limit beginning with a certain letter.”
They were then asked to do the same activity, but with animals. It seems those who had a larger knowledge of swear words had a “more expansive vocabulary and a better grasp on language,” the study reported.
This doesn’t mean that you’ll be the smartest person ever just because you know a lot of curse words. The authors wrote that “a voluminous taboo lexicon may better be considered an indicator of healthy verbal abilities rather than a cover for their deficiencies.”
The act of swearing has been found to relieve pain and stress, whether that’s emotional or physical, according to the Huffington Post. So swear a bit each day, and it’ll take the pain away.
I know I do.
I am the biggest slob I know and keep the messiest house. In the past, I have relied on University of Minnesota psychologist Kathleen Vohs to support my sloth. Kathy, my new best friend, reports that Sigmund Freud, Mark Twain and even Albert Einstein were famous slobs. So I am in good company.
Forget what your mother said. Let those kids stay up late and make an unholy mess of their rooms. When they tell you to go (expletive) yourself, remember that they are expressing their vocabulary and intelligence.
Where do you think they got it?
Emmet Meara lives in Camden in blissful retirement after working as a reporter for the Bangor Daily News in Rockland for 30 years.