For those who have loved and lost a pet, the grief can be every bit as strong as that felt over the death of a human loved one.
“There is no shame in grieving for a pet,” said Andrew Sokoloff, LMSW, grief support and bereavement coordinator at CHANS Home Health Care and Hospice in Brunswick. “To say otherwise is the same as saying it is shameful to grieve for a human.”
To help those dealing with the loss of a beloved pet, the Brunswick Hospice Center is teaming up with Coastal Maine Humane Society to host a pet loss grief support group for anyone grieving the loss of a pet or facing the upcoming loss of a pet.
The group met Thursday and according to Sokoloff will meet monthly in the future, unless members wish to gather more often.
“People sometimes feel the need to grieve [for their pets] alone,” Sokoloff said. “They are not getting the support they deserve and need.”
In the supportive atmosphere of the group, he said, participants can talk about their pet, share stories or just listen to others.
“Many people experience a strong grief response to the loss of their pets,” said Chris Corriveau, director of CHANS hospice. “Their pets are part of their lives and families [and] losing a pet can feel like losing a family member.”
Kate Griffith, communications director at Coastal Humane Society, agrees.
“The grief is very real when we lose them,” she said. “Our pets are our friends, our companions [and] our family members so it really leaves a hole when they are gone [and leaves] a gap in your daily routine so everything in your world changes.”
The loss of a pet can also dredge up emotions from previous loss, according to Sokoloff.
“It is not at all uncommon for someone to not only talk about the loss of their lovely beagle, but also the death of a person they may have lost years ago but have not fully or successfully grieved,” he said. “It is really not surprising that kind of thing comes out with the death of a pet, in fact, it would be surprising if it did not come out.”
At hospice, Sokoloff said, there are trained personnel and volunteers ready to work with bereaved pet owners.
“Our staff has a lot of experience helping people deal with grief,” he said. “And we do not see why the grief of losing a pet is any different.”
Pets are never “just an animal” at Afterlife Affections in Washburn where Justin and Alisa Carney operate a pet crematorium.
“My wife and I have a long history of pets,” Justin Carney said. “The thought of taking our deceased ‘family’ member out with the trash is just not acceptable and we wanted to offer a local option.”
The Carneys offer certified “private cremations” meaning owners can be assured they are getting their own pet’s remains returned to them and the have the closure they need.
“We want to make sure people know and have the comfort that their pet’s remains are going to go home with them,” Carney said. “For some people, it is a spiritual or religious event, sort of the ‘ashes to ashes’ thing.”
The death of pet, especially if the owner has to make the decisions to euthanize, is very traumatic, Sokoloff said.
“It’s not uncommon to euthanize a very sick dog to help end their suffering, but it’s not a conversation you can have with a pet,” he said. “So a common theme among people in the group is ‘was it too soon or too late?’”
Making those decisions is a huge responsibility, Sokoloff said.
“As pet owners, our pets look to us because they trust us to make the best decisions for them,” he said. “They do communicate in their own way.”
For many, the loss is followed by brining a new pet into the home, and there is no prescribed amount of time to wait.
“It’s not uncommon and quite understandable when people adopt a new animal a little too quickly,” Sokoloff said. “But I have never known that to not work out.”
Griffith said that decision is an individual one.
“Some people want to get a new pet the next week and some people wait years,” she said. “People process grief in different ways and need to do whatever feels right to them.”
Having access to the Chans pet loss support group is a great help, Griffith said.
“People who attend see they are not alone,” she said. “They can safely share their emotions.”
To join the Chans Home Health and Hospice Pet Loss Support Group, the first step is to contact Sokoloff who interviews the individual to make sure the group setting is appropriate, according to Corriveau.
“If individual counseling is needed, that can be arranged,” he said.
“In our group it is open with no agenda,” Sokoloff said. “Our job is to listen and a lot of time that is really what people need, someone to validate what they are feeling.”
To contact the Chans Home Health and Hospice Pet Loss Support Group, call Sokoloff at (207) 721-1357 or visit online at chanshomehealthcare.com.
