Edith Windsor lived her life with an irrepressible joy.
Edie, who passed away Sept. 12, was a true warrior for love and justice. By generously and fearlessly sharing the story of her over 40-year love for Thea Spyer, she helped more of the nation and the U.S. Supreme Court see the common humanity in the relationships of same-sex couples.
And Edie’s activism didn’t stop with the 2013 Supreme Court case, which bears her name, overturning the discriminatory and unconstitutional Defense of Marriage Act. She channeled her tireless energy, and the spotlight that came with the Supreme Court victory, to champion LGBT rights, to raise awareness of the issues facing LGBT elders through her work with Services & Advocacy for GLBT Elders, and to be a loving presence in, and inspiration to, our community.
Edie and Thea’s now-famous love story began in the mid-1960s. Edie was a pioneering woman in computer science who had divorced her husband a decade earlier, at just 23, because she knew she wanted to be with women. “Honey,” she had told him straightforwardly, “you deserve a lot more. And I need something else.”
She found what she needed in Thea, who proposed to Edie in 1967, with a diamond brooch in place of an engagement ring and the promise of a marriage the couple would wait 40 years to make official.
When Thea was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 1977, Edie left her career to care for Thea full time, all while maintaining her love of life and supporting Thea’s ongoing work as a clinical psychologist. When Thea’s health deteriorated and marriage in New York still looked distant, they fulfilled their decades-old promise and married in Canada in 2007.
When Thea died two years later, Edie faced intense grief from the loss of her lover and partner of more than 40 years. She also faced an injustice no married different-sex couples would face. The federal government disrespected her lawful marriage and slapped her with a tax bill of $363,000 when she inherited Thea’s estate, something that would not have happened had her spouse been a man. Luckily for all of us, she refused to accept that injustice.
I first met Edie in Washington, D.C., in 2011, at a press conference in support of the Respect for Marriage Act, which GLAD and others helped convene to push Congress to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act. A few months earlier, the GLAD DOMA team, including cooperating lawyers at Jenner & Block, Foley Hoag and Kator Parks, along with Edie’s team, headed by attorney Roberta “Robbie” Kaplan at the Paul Weiss law firm and the American Civil Liberties Union, had each filed challenges to the Defense of Marriage Act in the Second Circuit.
Nancy Gill and Marcelle Letourneau, who were among several plaintiffs challenging the Defense of Marriage Act in GLAD’s earlier First Circuit case, Gill v. OPM, were with me at that press conference. I remember being struck by the instant feeling of camaraderie and solidarity among the many courageous souls involved in this fight, who had all said “enough” and stood up against the disrespect and disparagement of their marriages coming from the federal government.
I had the honor of seeing Edie at many events and occasions following that first meeting — including at the Supreme Court oral arguments in March 2013 — where she ignored security officers on the courthouse steps and walked over to the crowd, blowing kisses. Then and at later events, too, I was struck by her limitless capacity to express her love, hugging passersby, joking about marriage proposals, and allowing endless photographs.
It was her loves — for Thea, for justice, for the greater LGBTQ community — that fueled her. She also had enormous support, including from her beloved attorney, Robbie Kaplan. Edie lived her life to the fullest, just as she encouraged all of us to. Throughout her fight for justice and her second career as an activist, she never lost her trademark wit and humor. Who could forget seeing Edie in her “Nobody knows I’m a lesbian” T-shirt leading the way for New York City’s Dyke March last year?
That day, Edie walked arm in arm with her beloved Judith Kasen-Windsor, whom she married in 2016. In Edie’s words, “I was empty and then [Judith] walked into my life. She is it.”
We all can honor Edie’s legacy by continuing the fight for equality, and by living life to the fullest, as she always did.
Mary L. Bonauto is the Civil Rights Project director at GLBTQ Legal Advocates & Defenders. She lives in Portland.