Why does everyone drive like Mr. Magoo? Is it my imagination or has driving become more and more of a challenge these days?
I’ve had a driver’s license for almost 50 years now, and either I’m getting a lot less tolerant or my fellow drivers are getting a lot more sketchy. Can we talk?
Let’s start with tailgating. I understand that people are in a hurry. It’s the world we live in today. But tell me, how does someone get to their destination any faster by driving 10 feet behind me?
I can’t speak for you, but I’ve intentionally hit the brake lights on occasion just to send a message to the tailgater. Assuming I don’t get rear ended, it eventually creates a little more space — but only temporarily. Now that car is just eight feet behind me.
Let’s move on to turn signals, or lack thereof. Say you’re approaching an intersection with a green light up ahead. You’d like to get through it before it turns red, right? And you assume the driver in front of you feels the same way.
Suddenly, the driver stops in the middle of the intersection to turn left — without signaling. You’ve left enough room to stop, so there’s no danger. But by now there’s not enough room to get around that car. And all the cars behind you are even less patient. Aargh!
On to cell phones. Sadly, it’s not against the law in Maine to talk on a cell phone while driving. For multitaskers, this is a dream come true. Why would you want to just drive, when you can drive and gossip?
“He didn’t?”
“I’m telling ya, he did.”
“Why doesn’t she just leave him?”
“I know. Right?”
Are you telling me that this conversation couldn’t have waited till the driver got home?
And then there’s the elephant in the room — summer tourists. In many ways, Maine is no different than other summer destinations like Cape Cod or the Hamptons. No one complains about the shot in the arm to the economy. And I’ve found that most tourists are congenial, happy people just enjoying their vacation.
But then there’s the driving.
The way I see it, there are two extremes of tourist drivers. First, there are those who drive too slow. Quite often, they’re looking for a specific location. That’s fine. I’ve been there myself.
But in a much more disturbing scenario, they’re just looking. And looking. And looking. Don’t be surprised to see a “This Car Climbed Mt. Washington” bumper sticker. And that’s when I’m guilty of tailgating. Busted!
Then there are the folks from away who drive too fast. They didn’t get the memo that they’re actually on vacation. The whole idea is to slow down. Right?
But what if it’s not the drivers? What if … it’s the cars themselves that are the problem?
When I started driving, cars were much simpler. There were a lot less doo-dads, making for a lot fewer distractions. A dashboard back then had three knobs — the lights, the windshield wipers and the AM radio. And, of course, the gearshift and turn signals next to the wheel.
Nowadays, dashboards look more like the control panel of a 747. Everything is electronic. Dual LCD control screens, surround cameras, integrated voice controls, topographical navigation. Oy!
All I want to do is turn on the windshield wipers. Where are they? I need the manual just to figure out how to open the door. I was perfectly fine with a key.
As far as I can tell, cars are meant to do just one thing — get us from point A to point B. When did they become amusement parks? There are already enough distractions out on the road, including that “old school” diversion — bumper stickers.
Did you ever notice those cars with wall to wall bumper stickers? How are the drivers behind them supposed to concentrate on the road?
“Honey, what if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it’s all about?”
Thump!
Eddie Adelman is a writer who lives in Belfast.