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David Connors lives in Orono.
To reach a suicide prevention hotline, call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org.
In the early hours of the morning, I write this with hope that I may help anyone who needs to hear a reason why the darkest days of the year will pass and life will feel a bit more worth continuing. Too many times I hear from close friends that their current situation seems daunting, hopeless and without conclusion. Every day waking up to do whatever it takes to pay bills and exist. The worst thoughts and decisions are the strongest instigators of action and an end to the worst foreseeable future.
I would like to let anyone who needs to hear this, as I wish I was able to for friends in the past, that there is a light at the end of this darkness. Living where we are can provide us with local beauty in our rivers, our mountains, our ocean, our community. However, that cannot always cure our dread for tomorrow. A hopelessness, a sadness, love lost, family tragedy, feeling of meaninglessness can all override what we have as little as it might be.
I write this from all of these feelings and hardship even though I know I have a lot going for me but in my head there isn’t necessarily the strength to remember that all the time.
I wish I could instill hope in people suffering from the darkness that comes with this time of year that there is meaning in staying. In bearing witness. Witnessing the changing weather, the relationships with family or friends, the progress of the world for good or bad. Stay to see what it means to at least have an opinion, a thought, an idea, a conversation. Stay to feel emotion positive or negative and learn from it and maybe teach someone else about what you felt or did because of it. There is value in all of it.
You do not need to change the world, but you very well may be able to change yours or that of someone you know. The loss of someone to hopelessness is one of the deepest and hardest things that I’ve ever felt and there have been times I needed to remember that before I brought that on the people I love.
We are in dark times of the year and I need to constantly remind myself that it is a fleeting darkness. There are resources for anyone that needs it. Reach out to people you know or the free hotline that is available 24/7 at 988. Do not feel weak using it.
No one knows your difficulty but you, but stay to bear witness to progress, stay to witness defeat and loss. I just hope anyone who needs to hear from someone takes advantage of the connectivity we have in this day in age where you can talk and hear a different viewpoint than what is going through your own head from someone who just wants to keep more witnesses around.
It has taken me a long time to gather strength to stay, ask for help, lend an ear, be there for someone who may be going through similar thoughts and feelings. This is the hardest time for so many people, and I hope if you’re reading this and going through what may seem like an endless hardship that you are far from alone. Bear witness to the smallest greatness in people which is our mutual existence and remember that even though it may not seem like it, there is beauty in this world. Nothing is static and change for good or bad is inevitable.
I have found in this community that help is everywhere even though it may be hard to see or find. Reach out and remember that the best parts of life, love, friendship and community are there for anyone who seeks it. Bear witness to all of it, please.