In theaters
THE UGLY TRUTH, directed by Robert Luketic, written by Nicole Eastman, Karen McCullah Lutz and Kirsten Smith, 95 minutes, rated R.
Everybody loves a good romantic comedy. Unfortunately, nobody gets one in Robert Luketic’s “The Ugly Truth,” a crude movie that’s a curiosity, but not a surprise, at least for anyone who sees where the genre is going, which essentially is down a dark hole of no return.
Let’s hope Alice never finds herself there.
In this genre, there always will be exceptions to the rule, but if you’ve caught a whiff of what Hollywood has been shoveling into it lately, then you’ll have a good idea of what’s in store for you here — an illiterate movie with good-looking stars who talk trash, crank up the charisma, and who are forced to share the biggest laugh with a vibrator.
Nobody should consider this upward mobility.
Who’s responsible for the script? Those eager to point fingers should turn to Nicole Eastman, Karen McCullah Lutz and Kirsten Smith, all good students of the substandard who apparently and illogically are unabashed misogynists.
To wit, let’s consider the storyline: Katherine Heigl is Abby, an unhappy single woman making a go of it in Sacramento as the producer of a failing morning television show.
Gerard Butler is Mike, who is brought in to shake things up and tantalize sleepy female television audiences with his hard-hitting “Ugly Truth” segments (“If you want a man, get on a Stairmaster!”). Together, he and Abby make for an abrasive team, so much so that she strikes a deal with him to get him off the show.
It comes down to this: Cocky Mike knows that Abby is smitten with a local surgeon (Eric Winter) she wants to hook. And so, since he’s confident that he can seal the deal for her with a little help, he agrees to quit the show if his advice fails to make her attractive to the man. Abby agrees. The game is on.
Cue the vibrating panties. Cue the perkier breasts, the tight dresses, the Jell-O wrestling, and the proper way to eat a hot dog, which for Abby means eating it slowly and in such a way that appeals to a man’s more basic instincts.
While you’re at it, you might as well cue the predictable script, and the ongoing run of raunchy cliches, all of which conspire to bring these two together while exposing that Mike isn’t quite the heathen he appears to be. If that revelation comes as a shock to anyone, my apologies.
And might I be the first to congratulate you on seeing your first movie.
Grade: D
On DVD and Blu-ray disc
“RACE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN,” directed by Andy Fickman, written by Matt Lopez and Mark Bomback, 99 minutes, rated PG.
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has a new movie out on DVD and Blu-ray disc. It’s a remake of 1975’s “Escape to Witch Mountain,” which the brass at Disney now are calling “Race to Witch Mountain,” a title that makes perfect sense since the movie itself appears to have been made in a rush.
Working from Matt Lopez and Mark Bomback’s script, director Andy Fickman offers a bland retelling of the already bland source material.
In the film, Johnson is Jack Bruno (of course he is), a Las Vegas taxi driver with former ties to the mob (not to mention to prison) who finds himself protecting two alien children. They are Seth (Alexander Ludwig, awful) and Sara (AnnaSophia Robb, horrible), two white, blond-haired, blue-eyed youths who are so creepy, they suggest that Hitler, were he alive, might have been responsible for the casting call.
Since FBI agent Henry Burke (Ciaran Hinds) is after them, it’s up to Jack to keep them out of Burke’s hands while also figuring out a way to get them to Witch Mountain where their space ship is being held for examination. If they don’t reach their ship and make it back home in time, trouble will ensue for all of us since Seth and Sara’s peeps are planning to take over Earth. Naturally, all of that can be prevented if Jack, Seth, Sara and a sexy scientist (Carla Gugino) … race to Witch Mountain!
Unfortunately, that exclamation point isn’t really deserved, particularly given Fickman’s lax direction, which shows no finesse for moving the action movie forward at the brisk clip it deserved. The best part of the movie turns out to be Johnson, who once again comes through with a game performance, but beyond him, nothing here is remarkable, nothing especially worth recommending. It’s just an old relic with new clothes and a weaker heart.
Grade: C-
WeekinRewind.com is the site for Bangor Daily News film critic Christopher Smith’s blog, DVD giveaways and movie reviews. Smith’s reviews appear Fridays and weekends in Lifestyle. He may be reached at Christopher@weekinrewind.com.