For many, the photograph of a sexy blond mother nursing her almost 4-year-old son was provocative enough.
But the headline “Are you Mom Enough?” slapped above the current Time Magazine cover story about the latest trends in parenting stung, and has sparked a heated debate about the modern relationship between mom and baby.
The article is burning up chat rooms and mommy blogs. On The Bump, a pregnancy and parenting website, thousands of moms buzzed on the topics of breast-feeding past the first year, children sleeping in the parental bed, and wearing baby in a sling _ the cornerstones of what’s called “attachment parenting.”
“If they can ask for it and lift up your shirt, it’s time to stop feeding them on the breast,” read a post on The Bump by Elizabeth.
Another poster, Trinity, praises the cover girl. “I would high-five that woman,” she says. I don’t plan on breast-feeding past one year, but I do know it’s perfectly normal to do so, especially in other cultures. Americans freak out. But hey, that kids’ probably got an immune system of steel!”
While the Time cover is certainly provocative, it’s also somewhat misleading, as the article focuses largely on the life of attachment parenting guru William Sears and the impetus for his 1992 “The Baby Book” book, which has sold 1.5 million copies and celebrates its 20th anniversary this year. The Orange County, Calif., pediatrician believes children are more likely to thrive both physically and emotionally when reared in a child-centered environment that includes breast-feeding long past the first year and sharing a family bed.
But it is that photo of a svelte, beautiful, mother of four pictured with her suckling preschooler and without so much as a centimeter of baby weight that some moms find particularly inflammatory.
“(The cover) is purposefully divisive and rude,” says Janna Lipman Weiss, a 40-year-old Walnut Creek, Calif., mother of two. The former molecular biologist referenced the Sears book during her daughters’ early years, breast-feeding for four and a half years all together. She found other tips helpful, too. Wearing her babies on her back soothed them, she says.
But not everything Sears preaches worked for her.
“My first one didn’t like being touched all the time so even if I wanted to follow Sears, my daughter wasn’t having it,” Lipman Weiss says. Also, Sears’ suggestion to nurse around the clock and somehow deal with the accompanying bleary-eyed sleeplessness was particularly irksome _ and impossible _ for her.
“I don’t think my comments about that are appropriate for a family newspaper,” Lipman Weiss says.
Breast-feeding has always been a controversial topic. Questions like “How old is too old?” or “Are you a bad mom if you don’t do it?” have long plagued anxiety-ridden new mothers, says Shannon Guyton, the Los Angeles-based site director for The Bump.
But one thing’s for sure, she says.
“Every mom who’s breast-fed knows that Time photo is not an accurate view of breast-feeding,” she says. “There’s not a single sexy thing about it. You know what your limits are and you do what you can. Of course you’re mom enough.”
According to a 2006 study by the Centers for Disease Control, only 13.6 percent of babies in the U.S. are exclusively breast-fed through the first six months of life, which is what the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends. The World Health Organization recommends a full year of exclusive breast-feeding.
In the Bay Area, the initiation rate of breast-feeding _ how many moms are breast-feeding when they leave the hospital with baby _ is 95 percent, according to Nancy Held, a lactation consultant, registered nurse and vice president of Day One Centers, which has locations in Palo Alto and Walnut Creek.
“That’s very high,” says Held. “Then we have people going back to work and pumping and things drop off.”
Held says the thought of anyone breast-feeding for a year makes her happy. Everyone hears stories about women who are still breast-feeding their 5-year-olds, but that is hardly the norm, she says.
“I think to be clear the image was used by Time Magazine for shock value,” Held says. “Dr. Sears has been around for 20 years so there’s nothing new about him. Parents have become much more anxious in the past 10 years so our job is to support them and give them the confidence that only they can decide what’s right for their baby.”
Attachment parenting? Just the title says to me the parent is “attached” to being a parent and not the child being attached to the parent. When do these parents let their children grow up? How much ridicule will he/she get from his/her peers when they find out they are in kindergarten and still breast feeding from their mom? Really America…kids already grow up feeling like parents owe them everything! Yes, I am a parent, but my children can fend for themselves.
I agree..it’s disgusting.
The average age for children self-weening in the world is 5 years old. She is not doing anything that isn’t natural, normal. What is unnatural is feeding your child fake breast milk coming from cows fed with antibiotics, and other crap you wouldn’t rationally dream of giving a child. Ever think that maybe we push our kids to grow up too fast? They need that closeness, bonding with their mother for a reason. You make it sound that your kids are better off because they were cut loose to fend for themselves. Really, you may be dealing with some issues down the line. Don’t mess with nature, you’re only screwing yourself and your offspring.
LOVE IT! So true! Though I would never be comfortable BFing my child until that age, I did with all of my children for a around a yr. But that is more our culture, and my children decided when they were done-I didn’t force them. Feeding your child cow’s milk powder is unnatural. Baby cows don’t get fed goat’s milk, or vice versa. Human milk for human babies. I am all for co-sleeping and baby carrying, too. My children have never had a reason to not be secure in my love for them. Perhaps if we had more breastfeeding, famiy beds and cuddling we wouldn’t have half of the troubled, mentally-ill, or socially-detached folks in our society.
She’s a pervert!
….
I feel quite embarrassed for you that you are so uneducated, your choice of words are clearly incorrect. The mother is not a pervert, but has a very deep understanding of the benefits of breastfeeding for what is regarded as very important to her child’s immune system and is considered normal except in Western society, which you need to do some more research on. The photo is just trying to get women to breastfeed longer than the average of 6 months in America if it is possible. If you want to write something on a blog please take time to consider your words more clearly, such as you may say “I am uncomfortable with that photo”, or “I couldn’t do that”, might make people think you have considered the topic more realistically.
Any mother who thinks that breastfeeding a child that is old enough to feed themselves is clearly out of line. I wont go so far as to say that the mother herself is a pervert, but to use a photo of someone breastfeeding a child who is CLEARLY past the age where they NEED to be breastfed – as the cover of a magazine, IS perverse and extremely inappropriate.
My children could feed themselves finger foods at less than a year. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding for a minimum of 1 year. So I whole-heartedly disagree with your first statement. I’m sorry you’re so uncomfortable with feeding infants the way nature intended.
If you are interested in hearing the voices of some real, caring, intelligent mothers speak about their experiences breastfeeding past the first year, you can hear “Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy” at http://www.knitwisemedia.org .
“Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy” is an independently produced hour-long radio documentary. It features the voices of fourteen women who have breastfed their children between one and four years. Some of the major topics covered include: dealing with judgment and criticism, public nursing, benefits and challenges, weaning, nursing while working, and support. Also featured is commentary from Dr. Nigel Rollins, of the World Health Organization, Dr. Jay Gordon, a Fellow of the American Association of Pediatrics, and Dr. Katherine Dettwyler, Associate Professor, Department of Anthropology, University of Delaware.
The goal of this radio documentary is to give voice to breastfeeding mothers, and to stimulate dialogue about breastfeeding past one year in the United States.
Hell, mother’s who breastfeed their newborns get enough grief! It’s horrible. I was waiting, just WAITING, for someone to ask me to feed my child somewhere like a bathroom. Oh, they would have wish they’d never thought about talking to me. I was always discreet, covered myself with a blanket, but I would NEVER go somewhere like a smelly bathroom or some dark corner to feed my child. Sorry if you’re so uncomfortable that just knowing my child is eating under a blanket makes you ufeel the need to share your opinion. No one opposed to BFing will, unfortunately, ever go to your link. They don’t want to be educated or realize how narrow-minded they are.
Golden Rule: No child should EVER be able to remember sucking their mother’s breast!!!
We are animals!! This is meant to be a survival function, not something that gives the mother physical/parenting pleasure beyond the time it is nutritionally required for the child.
How can you sit your child down to 3 square meals a day, plus snacks, and still ‘believe’ that your breast milk is ‘required’. I have a child the same age and am not sure how I could sit them down (or stand them up) for a breastfeed and convince myself it was ‘necessary’.
Immune system excuse? Try better than that! Why is that woman still not breastfeeding from her own mother if it’s the only best way to build one’s immune system???
I shudder to think what other self-gratifying behaviour will be excused as ‘attachment parenting’. We are raising adults, who are children for a very short time. These adults need to be able to function in society without mummy and daddy by their side at all times. So what is the point of ‘attachment parenting’????? Seems to defy the point of good parenting??
Just look at other animals and realise how ridiculous we are to over-intellectualise this whole thing – nursing is ultimately about survival and nothing more – the bond it forms is a bonus if you can get it!!!
Yes, in 2nd and 3rd world countries this is not unusual – because food and medicine is scarse!! America is a country eating itself to death. I’m sure all of the obese children will agree there is no shortage of food in America.
I also love how Westerners will take some exapmles from 3rd worl coutries and pick and choose what part of thier lives they want. Bet you wouldn’t take their whole life circumstance – which is why you have no idea why they do what they do.
You say that we are raising adults who are children for a very short time. That is exactly the point. The best functioning adults are allowed to REMAIN children for as long as they are supposed, not forced to fit into the mold that modern day society has required them to fit into. As I said above, 5 years old is the natural weening age of children. If you look at our closest animal relatives, it is similar with the children never leaving the mothers side for at least 5 years. It is a requirement of our species to nurture our young for this given time. To think otherwise, or that you and your children are some how above biolgy, is tragic and will mostly likely visit you with consequences, whether you see them or rationalize them away…
well if u need clarification for “we’re raising adults who are children for short time”, then u clearly need to grow up.
Plus your reference of our closest animal relatives with humans is very immature. Humans have evolved for hundreds of thousands of years. As of now, they’re very different than other animals.
I understand the benefits of breast milk. I worked a full time job after both my kids were born and breastfeeding didn’t fit into that schedule. (Mom’s who can stay at home in this economy are very lucky and should count their blessings) When I had to return to work I pumped for as long as I could. So my question is instead of making a huge deal about this and using the “benefits of Breast milk” as the excuse to physically breast feed why not just pump? They are still getting the benefits without all the “attention”. If I could still give my boys (5 ½ & 7) Breast milk I would, but in a cup not from the source.
Because pumping isn’t as effective. Because pumping takes longer. Because pumping means you have to be careful how you store. Pumping means having to listen longer to a screaming, hungry baby because you have to heat the milk. No one is using the ‘excuse’ of breastfeeding benefits. Why fix what ‘ain’t broke and make double the work? Maybe they should just pump cow’s milk and the farmers can take the time to bottle-feed the baby cows?
I think that you many of you are missing one of the most valid reasons for breastfeeding past one year of age–to comfort. I see it as a way to nurture a toddler/preschooler. I breastfed my daughter at bedtime for a few minutes until she was almost 2, as part of our evening ritual. It was not for nutrition, per se. I would have continued our sweet nightly ritual until she no longer required it, but my now ex-husband insisted that I quit–part of the reason he is my ex! It was a lovely way to end our day and ready her for bed. Lovely and sweet.
http://transplantednorth.wordpress.com/2012/05/14/and-what-did-you-think-of-the-cover-of-time-magazine/
I went back to work part time three months after my baby was born. I worked in a PR firm in Manhattan where most twentysomething co-workers spent half their salary on rent, the other half on their bar tab. And I commuted to work with my breast pump.
sphttp://transplantednorth.wordpress.com/2012/05/14/and-what-did-you-think-of-the-cover-of-time-magazine/