The unthinkable is about to happen. New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg is proposing a ban on giant sugary drinks. More than 16 ounces? With sugar? Fuhgeddaboutit!
In supporting the ban, city hall officials cited a study from 2006 that said sugary drinks lead to all kinds of horrible effects — obesity and diabetes and heart disease. But who trusts these studies? I have never seen any studies pointing out the 100 percent correlation rate between breathing and dying. It’s remarkable. Breathe even once, and you are bound to die. It’s a filthy habit but hard to break.
The Post’s Sarah Kliff pointed out recently that smaller portion size is one of the few things actually proven to reduce how much we eat.
I’m sorry, but this is America. Things are bigger here. Debt. Plates. People.
Kliff noted a study that found “the average fast-food soda is now six times as large as it was in the 1950s. Bagels are about twice as large as they were in the 1970s; muffins, meanwhile, have grown threefold.”
Some people see this as a portion-size problem. I disagree. Clearly, we have a race of mutant superfoods, and we need to eat them as quickly as possible to stop them from spawning. The muffins are ballooning. The bagels are mushrooming. I don’t even want to know what the mushrooms are doing.
These are dangerous times.
If you have never awakened to find a muffin the size of your house creeping up on you with a sinister rumble, that is only because of the tireless efforts of people like me who eat muffins double the size of our faces all day long. If we left those in the glass case overnight, we all know what would happen.
“In the 1950s, everything came in tiny portions, and no one had any complaints,” everyone says.
What a sad state of affairs that was. Look at a plate from that era: You can barely load it with three peas and a woman’s salary.
Besides, as the child of baby boomers, I say something that I think most children of boomers will agree with: I am sick of hearing about how great the 1950s were. It is enough that we have to listen to the doleful yelps of Bing Crosby every time Christmas rolls around. I understand that everyone trusted everyone else, the fences were white and picket, and everyone bicycled and did calisthenics and visited the soda fountain for a good time. But I like our era where everyone sits on overstuffed sofas staring at oversize screens overstuffing ourselves with chips.
We’re larger. So? In the average course of life, we so seldom get a good view of Jupiter. But now all you have to do is find a place where a great number of tourists are crossing the street, and it approximates the experience.
In America, food has divided the nation into two camps of people unhealthily obsessed. Bigger! say some. They frequent the Heart Attack Grill, even though people are often wheeled away from it on gurneys. Perhaps because people are often wheeled away on gurneys. Heap high the potatoes! Give me enough ham to choke a yak! It’s my right as an American.
On the other side are the people who go around demanding to know where the chicken came from and whether it was contented, and if the kale is really as organic as you say. They have a lean and hungry look about them. They are lining up right now for copies of Michelle Obama’s book “American Grown.” They express food patriotism by refusing to eat anything grown more than eight miles away.
But most of us are somewhere in the middle. And the soda ban hits us where we hurt.
Does Bloomberg really want to deny millions of Americans the opportunity of going to a movie theater snack bar and requesting a small drink, only to be told, “Well, for an additional nickel, I can give you one eight times the size of your apartment!” Then again this is not saying much. One of my friends in New York City lived for some time in an actual teaspoon.
Bigger is better! Buy it in bulk, and you’ll save! It’s in the Bill of Rights somewhere!
Give me a ten-gallon hat and a ten-gallon soda to match. Onward! Outward! Bigger and bigger!
Everything but the life expectancy.
Alexandra Petri is a member of the Post’s editorial staff.
Massive hypocrites. The same people who screech about big gulps, seatbelts, fireworks, etc. are also the ones who seem to have no problem denying their gay neighbors marriage rights. For them, no big gulps is a massive infringment on their rights and they treat it as akin to being denied the right to vote. Yet they’re perfectly fine with things like restricting voting rights for others.
It’s garbage. These whiners are sick and inconsistent in their complaints. They get off on denying others their freedoms though. They care about themselves and that’s it.
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I do think those drinks would taste better if they were actually made with all that cane sugar.
Did you actually read my comment?
Ugh…sorry. Good post!
they actually do – pepsi throwback was a huge hit for me. That fructose syrup is cheaper than actual sugar, so a soda with regular sugar was wonderful (that syrup has such an aftertaste after that) I currently am using (I use the term using because Pepsi is my “drug” of choice) Pepsi Next – 60 percent less sugar, 60 calories. I may drink 2-3 cans a week – thank goodness they are only 12 ounces or I may have to smuggle them through New York if I travel.
I discovered mexican Coke when I was stationed out west, made with sugar. It’s the stuff we grew up with…so good.
I watched the HBO documentary “The Weight of the Nation.” When asked what is the one single thing people can do to fight obesity, all of the doctors said to cut out sugary drinks, including fruit juice. I was shocked when they said fruit juice, which I had always thought was good for you, particularly orange juice. Anyway, about 3 weeks ago I stopped drinking juice and lemonade (not mixing it with vodka, actually) and I have since lost an inch and a half off my waistline.
Very true, even fresh fruit juice has a lot of sugar in it. As for the vodka, try seltzer water with a little bit of lemon or lime juice ;)
Thanks. I would, but carbonated water is supposedly bad for the bones.
I realize that one does not have to do with the other (sort of) but I can’t wait until this happens in Maine! Imagine you hard-working citizens with disposeable income wanting a 24-ounce soda with your meal out, and you are not allowed – you have to purchase 2 (free refills will be a thing of the past). But it’s OK – you can borrow a neighbor’s SNAP card and you can buy all the 2-liter bottles of soda you want, and can drink them all at once!
And I love the fact the people in the photo are using the KFC (what is KGC??) 64-ounce container – they do realize that is supposed to come with the family value meal, which if you divide by 4, is freaking 16 ounces! If dad decides to drink the whole thing before he gets home with the family meal, who are we to complain?