I’m getting rid of my Thanksgiving leftovers. These are all of my leftover observations that didn’t fit into columns this year. Take what you want and pass the gravy.
The prettier the bird, the less likely it will sit still for a photo.
The rare bird I am looking for will turn up moments after I leave.
Birding generates more vanity plates than any other hobby.
If I can still hear golden-crowned kinglets, I’m not deaf yet.
No matter how clever I think my bird feeder protection strategy is, the squirrel has all day to prove me wrong.
Really, I should be more excited about gulls than I am.
Is there anything sadder than a bald eagle with a combover?
Maybe I shouldn’t admit this, but I know what a ruffed grouse looks like, sounds like and tastes like.
When a mockingbird steals the song of another bird, he invariably sings it better than the bird he’s mocking. They fool me even when I’m watching them do it.
I crossed a parrot with a woodpecker. It only talks in Morse code.
Chicken soup is good for your health, unless you’re the chicken.
Purple finches and purple sandpipers aren’t purple, but they’re close enough.
What if we named birds like we name hurricanes? Instead of naming it a red-eyed vireo, we’d just call it Alice.
One vulture says to the other, “Does this clown taste funny to you?” Old joke.
Birds fly south for the winter because it’s too far to walk. Older joke.
An African swallow could carry a 5-pound coconut, but a European swallow couldn’t. Monty Python joke.
Ninety percent of birders walk underneath 90 percent of birds without knowing they’re there. Bird noises matter.
The active ingredient in Dove soap is not what I thought it would be.
No two sparrow species are alike, even though they’re all brown. Honestly, they’re not that hard.
Whenever I stop on an abandoned roadside in the wilderness to listen for an unusual bird, a car will come along.
Whenever I’m watching a bird in the North Woods, tourists assume I’m looking at a moose.
Whenever I tell nonbirders what I am actually doing, they will tell me where they recently saw an eagle.
This was the year that I decided the spruce grouse is my favorite bird. Every spruce grouse has a distinct personality.
If a train leaves Chicago going west at 25 mph, and another train leaves Sacramento going east at 30 mph, a raven is smart enough to know where they meet.
Owls aren’t as wise as college graduates, but they’re not $35,000 in debt either.
Yes, some robins are here in winter.
Many of today’s cheaper binoculars are better than yesterday’s expensive ones. Time to upgrade?
The influx of northern birds into Maine is different every winter, including this winter. I can’t wait to see what wanders in.
There is almost no difference between the length of the bills on a short-billed dowitcher and a long-billed dowitcher. That annoys me.
I’m surprised at how many people don’t know how their binoculars work.
Global warming will eliminate puffins from Maine, maybe during your lifetime.
It may take a couple of years longer, but the same is true for lobsters.
Somebody will comment on this column, asserting that climate change is a myth.
Over the last 20 years, I’ve watched the population of boreal chickadees recede north because of climate change. Pity.
Beware, squirrels. My Havahart trap has a heart, but I don’t.
Albino birds are rare, but everybody has seen one and will ask their Bangor Daily News birding columnist to identify it.
He will.
When barred owls call “Who cooks for you?” I think it’s none of their business.
OK, I think Maine has enough turkeys now.
I hope my editor knows how to pluralize titmouse.
It’s unfair that the West gets all the hummingbirds.
For the last time, it’s a Canada goose, not a Canadian goose!
Everything about a woodcock is funny.
Mallards will mate with anything that moves.
Blue jays make more noises than I can remember.
You can never have too many field guides.
I added only three life birds this year. I better bird more, or live longer.
Bob Duchesne serves as vice president of Maine Audubon’s Penobscot Valley Chapter. He developed the Maine Birding Trail, with information at mainebirdingtrail.com. He can be reached at duchesne@midmaine.com.