This story originally appeared in the Brain Injury Association of America – Maine Chapter (BIAA-ME) newsletter.
On a June afternoon in 2007, my children and I sat on the porch to watch a thunderstorm roll through. We had just spoken with their dad to let him know the storms were coming and to stay put or get home soon. After having a couple of beers with his cousin, he made the decision to get on his Harley and make the 15-minute drive home. Little did we know, he would not make it home that night.
As he saw the red and purple lightning ahead, he decided to speed up to try and miss the rain. As he came over a hill at around 87 mph, he hit a young woman in her car broadside. They both experienced severe brain injuries and he broke nearly every major bone in his body. Witnesses stated that as the mangled metal mess came to a rest, the sky opened and the rain poured down.
After two months in the hospital, many surgeries, and intense psychosis, he returned home to begin the recovery and discovery process: to figure out how to fit into his world and adapt to his new brain. We were so hopeful and did everything we could think of to try to help him manage his symptoms, find his way, and see the world in a positive way.
He spent much of the first four years after his brain injury contemplating suicide. We tried every medication regimen and to this day have been unable to find any medication combination that has helped him effectively manage his depression and bipolar disorder, which were severely exacerbated by his brain injury. We saw several counselors and he completed all of the OT and PT that our insurance would cover.
We also had to deal with the legal issues. His blood-alcohol level was just over the limit at .09 and he was criminally speeding. We were able to get house arrest for him and addressed the fines.
The financial burden was immense. Our friends and family did some great fundraising that helped us so much, however, the medical bills over that first two years were more than we could bear. We tried to make payment arrangements and keep caught up. After never being late on a bill, we had to file for bankruptcy. I then lost my job of 17 years. I began to experience significant anxiety and depression and was overwhelmed with life in general.
The strain on his relationships with his family and friends was also more than they could bear. The paranoia brought out by the brain injury caused him to make choices that eventually destroyed most of his relationships with friends. His inappropriate behavior and inability to reason and participate in crowded events strained his relationship with his children. After 9 years the strain on our marriage took its toll, and I had to make the decision to change our relationship as well. Although I am so thankful to still be his advocate, power of attorney, and friend, I needed to end our marriage in order to take care of myself.
Now that we are divorced, he is eligible to get some help through the State of Maine’s Brain Injury Waiver and we are hopeful that he may get some new support to help him continue to discover his potential. He has not given up. I respect him most for not giving up.
These experiences have led our family in amazing directions we may have never encountered and has built character in all of us to be advocates for brain injury. The experience has also given us countless opportunities to meet amazing people and to help create positive change for others. I am eternally grateful for that part.
Brain injury affects every part of a person’s life every day. The message of awareness our family would like to share with our community is to remember that it takes a village. When tragedy hits, the support of our village is often great. People we don’t even know step up to offer a hand and show support. After the initial shock of the tragedy, most people revert back to their everyday lives, keeping survivors in mind and always hoping for the best.
It is important to know that when someone experiences a brain injury, there is the initial period of physical and brain healing, however, as a survivor once said to me, there comes a time when the healing slows and it’s time for discovery: time to figure out how the new you fits into the world, a time to utilize your new strengths and weaknesses and figure out how you are going to adapt with your new brain.
Recovery and discovery without the support of your community is a struggle and often unsuccessful. So, once the dust settles and for years to come (brain injury is a life-long challenge) reach out regularly to the survivor and their caregivers, forgive their mistakes, help with tasks around the house, slip a card in the mail, bake extra and drop it by, visit, even if it’s once a year. If all the villagers made a point to participate in some small way and gave just a little bit we can assure the caregivers don’t get burned out and open opportunity for growth and discovery for the survivor. Knowing that you have a village that truly cares all the time and shows it is priceless.
On May 22, 2016, John and Bre were involved in a motorcycle accident that changed their lives forever. John experienced a right leg amputation and Bre experienced a severe brain injury. As a family who has been personally affected by brain injury, we have been silently cheering on this beautiful young couple. The community has been amazing, stepping forward with several fundraisers. This has allowed the couple and their families to concentrate on healing and re-discovering life with new challenges.
Our family understands the financial burden of an event such as this. As the medical bills begin to roll in, there is a new level of financial support that will be needed. With both John and Bre being out of work and a long recovery ahead, any support we can give will be met with high gratitude. We have wanted to do so much more and until now were unsure what else we could do.
My daughters, brother, friends, and I have been training to hike the 100 Mile Wilderness from Monson to the top of Mt. Katahdin. We are excited to now use this journey to help Bre and John by raising additional funding to help carry them through, as well as to raise awareness about brain injury in our communities.
Please consider donating to support John and Bre, and join us on the “Hiking for Bre and John” Facebook page for updates during our 100-mile journey. Feel free to donate by the mile or by any amount, no matter how big or small. Every little bit makes a difference.
Donations will be accepted through August 31, 2016, for more information on how to donate please visit our Gofundme page or our Facebook Page. For information on brain injury resources and support in Maine, please visit the Brain Injury Association of America – Maine Chapter.
Kelley McTague is currently the Program Manager for Assistive Technology Services at Goodwill Industries of Northern New England in Augusta, Me. She is a COTA/L and certified Assistive Technology Practitioner. She worked as an Independent Living Specialist and Regional Manager for Maine’s Independent Living Center for 17 years, was an assessor for the AgrAbility Maine Project serving farmers with disabilities meet their Assistive Technology needs and currently sat on the AgrAbility Advisory Board. She was a Residential Program Manager for Goodwill for 3 years. She also co-chaired the State of Maine Brain Injury Advisory Council.