Too often, I hear friends, family members and others I know say that dealing with some level of sexual harassment — and even assault — is a part of their daily lives. Lines are crossed every day in exchanges at work, with strangers and even with friends.
And yes, there are laws to make it easier to confront the phenomenon. But there’s also the reality that the person confronting it generally has to continue living in the same community after pursuing action and find a job in the same finite marketplace. There are only so many jobs in your backyard that match your skillset and level of experience.
The forces against taking proper, just action often push one away from doing so.
“If I speak up, people will know I’m difficult to work with.”
“My manager knows all the other hiring managers in town.”
“I’ve worked toward this position for years, there are only five others like it in the whole region, and they’re occupied.”
As a result, people who experience harassment and assault come to internalize it and normalize it.
“Maybe it was me. Maybe I smiled too much. It really wasn’t that bad. It isn’t worth pursuing, all things considered.”
I know a lot of people who go through this and don’t tell their partners, friends or anyone else because they think these people will believe they brought it on themselves.
Then, Donald Trump is elected president.
There are all of the obvious things about this political moment that are bad: Corporate takeover, Russian intervention. It goes on and on. But then there’s also the destruction of an already anemic culture of decency.
None of this is to even mention the broader implications for especially marginalized communities, which is a topic for a whole other column. So if you’ve already been struggling with harassment or assault and felt you had no recourse, “grab them by the pussy” wins.
I’ve seen a number of people pose some form of this passive-aggressive question on Facebook: “So, I’ve got a question for you Trump voters …”
It’s meant to make some point about why he isn’t great. I don’t think that’s a helpful approach.
What I do suggest, though, is this exercise. If you voted for Trump, find a woman you love, someone for whom you have hopes and dreams, someone whose safety you want to ensure. Look her in the eyes and say, “I voted for the guy who said it was OK to sexually assault you.”
Victims of sexual harassment and assault are already in a position of rationalizing every day aggression and inappropriate behavior, or looking the other way on come-ons or advances — people being grabby; your boss, colleague, or even friend going beyond what you’re comfortable with. And this guy wins. So I totally understand thinking, “Well, I guess I should just keep silently enduring, right?”
We should all fight for what’s right and get out of our comfort zones, but so many people just need to live and are hanging on by a thread. The concept of speaking up could ultimately be crippling and put people living paycheck to paycheck with zero promise of a support system out on the street. In that way, crony corporatism has been fully realized.
My little girl will be seeing Trump at the top of the America game for four years now. And I know, to some extent, it’s always been like this, but we’ve definitely seen steps forward, progress here and there.
Not only did we put the brakes on that progress, though, we set the car on fire. Because now my daughter will know that if it’s her reasonable, rational, measured, brave words against a bully or assailant, the assailant is favored. The assailant could even become president, having built a brand on being a bully.
I disagreed with President Barack Obama on so much, but he made grace and deliberation, class and humor aspirational characteristics again. He made having character look good. And now, here’s this megalomaniac who exploited economic anxieties and, to be fair, policy failures of both parties with an opportunity to burn it all down.
Alex Steed has written about and engaged in politics since he was a teenager. He’s an owner-partner of a Portland-based content production company and lives with his family, dogs and garden in Cornish.
