I love the order that exists in our universe. Even though most folks — at one time or another — complain that “life isn’t fair,” others counter with “it all evens out in the end.” If you’ve been paying attention then you must admit that stuff keeps happening that holds our planet in near perfect balance.
Among this week’s top stories is Simon Cowell’s departure from the show “American Idol.” Wow, that’s pretty earth-shattering. So earth-shattering that folks scrambled to stop it from happening. The Washington Post, yeah, you read that right, The Washington Post says that he was offered big bucks to stay. This bastion of — and my fingers falter on the keyboard as I type this — hard news reported that Cowell was offered additional millions over what he already makes each year. The reporters got to the bottom of the news story and Cowell confessed that he has opted for doing his own thing.
But the journalists didn’t stop there. According to the news article, Fox network executives remain committed to getting by without him. Phew, thank goodness some cool heads are in charge. I don’t know about you, but I’m always inspired by courageous leadership in the face of adversity. Those in America’s unemployment lines will no doubt find inspiration in the Fox network’s determination to prevail.
But how does the network that built its name by broadcasting the world’s best animated product — “The Simpsons” — and the world’s worst news product — pick one — plan to survive?
Two words: Sarah Palin.
It’s ingenious. And no doubt the selection of former Gov. Palin was — in part — inspired by Cowell’s own words as he explained his unexpected exit from “American Idol” even though the show itself continues. Cowell proclaimed, “You want to leave on a high.” Brilliant!
When the executives thought about whom to hire and pay ridiculous amounts of money while being famous for leaving at the apex of a job left undone, it had to be Alaska’s half-time governor. Her exact words were, “So I choose, for my state and my family, more ‘freedom’ to progress, all the way around.” Yeah, those pesky jobs as public servants can get so cumbersome halfway through your term, especially when there are book royalties and lucrative TV jobs just waiting to help you progress if only you were “free” to do so. After all, as Sarah said herself that fateful day she quit her most recent job, “life is too short to compromise time and resources.”
You can’t fault Palin for wanting more resources than a governor’s salary, and that continued role would certainly have compromised her timing. And just like Cowell who admits that this change he’s making will yield a bigger payday, we must admit that for many of us cash is the ultimate reward. Again, The Washington Post states, “While he makes a reported $36 million a year to be on ‘American Idol,’ he owns ‘The X Factor’ and could make much more if the show takes off.”
Therein lies the beauty of the universe; Cowell knows it and Palin knows it. After all, what’s good for one cantankerous critic shouting from the sidelines should be good for them all.
I must disclaim that as a small-time critic who lobs commentary like a second-grader lobs spitballs — even though I make a bit less than the multimillion-dollar contracts Cowell and Palin draw down — I don’t think there’s anything wrong with vociferous, ornery, even sarcastic invectives tossed into public discourse. The problem I have with Fox News would be the same problem I’d have if the Bangor Daily News moved my column from the opinion page to the news page. But that will never happen. Only a fool would confuse commentary for journalism — a fool or a media outlet with an agenda. So if they don’t pretend Palin is a journalist when they add her to the lineup, her shenanigans won’t matter any more than Cowell’s did.
As for The Washington Post, as the Cowell story illustrates, they’ve lost track of what’s news. He didn’t change jobs to go work with Sudanese refugees, he did it for money. And that isn’t news.
Pat LaMarche, of Yarmouth, is the author of “Left Out In America: The State of Homelessness in the United States.”