NEW YORK — Pioneering astronaut Sally Ride, who relished privacy as much as she did adventure, chose an appropriately discreet manner of coming out.
At the end of an obituary that she co-wrote with her partner, Tam O’Shaughnessy, they disclosed to the world their relationship of 27 years. That was it.
As details trickled out after Ride’s death on Monday, it became clear that a circle of family, friends and co-workers had long known of the same-sex relationship and embraced it. For many millions of others, who admired Ride as the first American woman in space, it was a revelation — and it sparked a spirited discussion about privacy vs. public candor in regard to sexual orientation.
Some commentators, such as prominent gay blogger Andrew Sullivan of the Daily Beast, second-guessed Ride’s decision to opt for privacy.
“She had a chance to expand people’s horizons and young lesbians’ hope and self-esteem, and she chose not to,” he wrote. “She was the absent heroine.”
Others were supportive of Ride’s choices.
Episcopal Bishop Gene Robinson of New Hampshire, who in 2003 became the first openly gay bishop in the Anglican world, noted that both he and Ride were baby boomers who grew up “in a time when coming out was almost unthinkable.”
Robinson is 65. Ride was 61 when she died of pancreatic cancer.
“For girls who had an interest in science and wanted to go places women had not been allowed to go, she was a tremendous role model,” Robinson said Wednesday. “The fact that she chose to keep her identity as a lesbian private — I honor that choice.”
However, Robinson said he had a different standard for younger gays — to the point of insisting that his own clergy in New Hampshire be open about their sexuality if they are gay or lesbian.
“While there is still discrimination and coming out will still have repercussions, the effect of those repercussions are vastly reduced now,” Robinson said. “I believe that times have changed.”
There’s no question that gays and lesbians overall are coming out now at a higher rate and an earlier age than those of previous generations. According to the LGBT Movement Advancement Project, adults aged 30-54 are 16 times more likely to be closeted than those under 30.
In pop culture, the fine arts, the entertainment industry, and in some individual sports, it’s now commonplace for luminaries to be out as gay or lesbian. But in many other fields, the dynamics are different.
Aside from Ride, no other astronaut of any nation has come out as gay. No active player in the four major North American pro sports leagues — football, basketball, baseball, hockey — has come out as gay, though some retired players have done so. Ken Mehlman came out as gay only after he completed his stint as chairman of the Republican National Committee.
Everyone has a right to privacy, but I still think it is important for those in positions of power to come out in order to serve as role models and to dispel myths. Young gay kids grow up hearing a lot of negative things about being gay and they can internalize that, leading to depression or low self-esteem. These role models are important to have in order to combat that. Every kid should have someone they’re able to look up to, someone who has been through similar things and can inspire.
Couldn’t agree more, wolfndeer. And when I hear all the negative comments, I shudder. If those comments are coming from parents, grandparents,friends,etc., they may be signing their own loved one’s death certificate. How many have already chosen suicide as a solution?
You must be confusing these folks with someone who cares. Often children (for a number of reasons including, but not limited to homosexuality) are abandoned Thrown out considered dead by parents.
….and Sally Ride has NO ZERO, NADA, responsibility to “come out” because you think that is her job. If she had, she NEVER would have been allowed to join N.A.S.A. and therefore her “disclosure” would have meant nothing.
Forgive me, Mark, for having another brain glitch, but I am not able to understand your comment. I didn’t mean to suggest that Sally Ride had any responsibility toward furthering a more accepting society by disclosing anything at all. What bothers me are the condemnatory people in this world who, knowingly or not, let homosexuals know, in no uncertain terms, that this world is not big enough for both. It saddens me to even think about how much society has lost because too many decided to leave too soon.
I am replying to your comment and the comment from Wolfie to which you replied. There is no approved method of doing this with the BDN site so you get both comments in one post.
Got it. Thanks. BTW,I read your (100% correct) comment about Ellsworth and your wanting a place north of Portland, then north of… Try PEI (Prince Edward Island). To us, it’s, “The way Maine used to be.”
Sally Ride and her partner chose to keep their lives private until the end, not like most gays that want attention and special rights, I believe her secret should have gone with her to her grave. She proved you don’t need anything special to be happy.
Your comment is disgusting. There is nothing special about being treated equally. It isn’t wanting attention to mention someone you’ve spent 27 years of your life with in an obituary. What I see is you proving that people with baises against gay people hold gays to a much higher standard than they hold themselves do. A gay person does exactly the same thing as a straight person and they’re demonized for it. Being in a relationship shouldn’t have to be a secret.
Oh really! Guess what, i don’t care what you think. I have just as much right to my opinion as you. Just because i don’t agree with yours, all of a sudden i am wrong. This still is the USA isn’t it?
Why do you keep trying to make yourself out to be the victim? Because I think you are hateful suddenly I’m trying to silence you? I’m not. Because a gay person wants to talk about the fact that they’re in a relationship suddenly they’re flaunting it? They’re not.
Grow up and hold yourself to the same standard as you hold others to. If you’re fine with someone like Sarah Palin for example talking about Todd and her children, then you shouldn’t accuse a gay person of wanting attention when they do the exact same thing.
Guess what? I still don’t care what you think.
So I’m guessing you don’t have a good reason for your double standard then. Besides hatred, of course.
Well, billy, I guess you won’t be keeping your bigotry silent and taking it to your grave with you. Too bad. This world gains nothing by your expressing your thought that “most gays want attention and special rights.” That sounds just like a phrase lifted right out of some so-called christian pastor’s sermon.